#no amount of money is ever enough and i dont understand how to escape this without feeling like shit forever about it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yandere-society · 4 years ago

Text

Scream

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Synopsis: It’s been a year since your mother was slaughtered, with no leads pointing to any possible suspects. It’s been an up-hill battle for you to accept what happened— especially with no answers or closure— and the citizens of your hometown have been sleeping with one eye open ever since. But now, the mystery killer has decided to make an anniversary visit, and is making it known that they not only have a dire love for infamous horror films... but they also have their targets set on you and all of your closest friends.

Word count: 8k

Headline: Small Town Woodsbroro Is Waking Up Screaming Once Again!

Warnings: dark themes; Gore; Smut; Crackhead humor (only because I promised my bff I’d give her an honorable death scene); Foul language; Jungkook is psychotic; Graphic depictions of him killing your mom/friends; we’re also going to pretend that it’s outrageously easy to get away with murder; dont fact check me on anything you read here; rough sex; mask kink.

Admin: @tatertotthethot

Baley was high as a fucking kite.

So high, that she didn’t care about it being 1am as she blasted the Cha-Cha slide at full volume.

So high, that she was completely disregarding her lactose intolerance whilst making herself a triple layered, sharp cheddar grilled cheese that was bound to have her ass blasting right back off by 3am.

So, outrageously stoned, that she was totally unaware of the masked killer standing just outside the glass doors in her kitchen, watching her every move.. With her beat up, hogtied boyfriend laying out next to him.

“Now it’s time to fawnky! To the right now—“

She crab walked along with the instructions, spatula in hand.

“To the left!”

“Take it back now, y’all.”

Ghostface grimaced beneath his mask, eyes stalking the stoned woman with disdain. She was the epitome of “crackhead energy” and it pissed him off how much she resembles you. It only makes sense, being as you two have been best friends since kindergarten— probably soulmates in a past life— but it is within that fact that Ghostface has grown to absolutely fucking loath her.

She’s too much like you. She keeps up with your humor and probably has more of your heart than he, himself, has earned a place in yet. He knows good and well that if it ever came down to you having to pick between him and her, you’ll pick her.

That simply will not do. That’s exactly why he is about to rid you of that option— or, as he sees it, the dilemma.

He growled and swung at the air, wishing he could just bust in and end her already.

“How could you be in love with that creature?” He hissed at Taehyung, the built-in voice box beneath his mask altering it enough to remain anonymous. The question was quite hypocritical, being as he was in love with a girl that most would consider Baley’s second-half, but only you were an exception to being so.. abnormal.

“Mmmph—“ Taehyung drearily gurgled out from beneath the strip of tape over his mouth, tears breaching his eyes as he watched Baley’s precious, uncoordinated ass do the “Charlie brown”. It looked more like a fucked up gallop.

“What is the sex like, dude?” Ghostface ripped the duck tape off Taehyung’s split lips. “That’s a serious question.”

“Boo bear..” was all Taehyung could muster up, more scared for her than himself.

Ghostface gagged and slapped the tape right back on with a little too much force, having to take a second to regain his composure before pressing the call button on Taehyung’s phone. The Spotify music thankfully cut off as her phone rang out from the counter.

Baley was only upset for a split before she spotted the name on her phone screen, and was quick to answer it with a sickening amount of glee.

“Angel muffin!” She cooed. Gross

“Hi, boo bear..” Ghostface flipped his middle finger up at Taehyung before clutching his Bowie knife back down to his side.

“Oh my God, What was that? You sound like Corpse, mixed with the bear from Five Nights At Freddy’s.”

“The bears name is Freddy, dumbass.”

Baley neck rolled back in offense.

“Are you trying to get pegged or prolapsed? Might wanna remember who the fuck you’re talking to, the next time you call this cellular.” She snapped, hanging the phone up with a viscous pout. She still somehow managed to pick back up on the beat and cha-cha’d real smooth as she took the pot off the eye and turned the stove off, visibly upset.

Ghostface stood there for a moment, processing what she just said, before turning towards Taehyung.

“She claps your cheeks?”

Taehyung glared back at the screaming-ghost mask, bracing himself when a gloved hand reached out to once again rip the ductape off his lips.

“It’s not sus!” He immediately defended. “I have a gspot up there for a reason. I am not ashamed to use it.”

“I don’t give a fuck about that!” The killer snapped out. “why would you let that.. unstable individual insert something into your rectum—“

“You’ve got a whole lotta nerve calling somebody else unstable,” Taehyung deadpanned, and with that, his mouth was once again resealed shut.

He called Baley’s phone again, just as she was about to take a bite of the sandwhich that she’ll, unfortunately, never get to eat.

“What, fucker?” She scorned.

“I can see you.”

“Oh, yeah?” She sarcastically spat. “Then what am I doing?”

She clenched her buttcheeks in and hunched her back out, her body resembling a question mark, before vigorously gyrating her body- mostly just her spine. Jungkook knows from the various tiktoks you’ve shown him that he was witnessing the inverted-twerk.

“Hm? Tell me, fuckboy. What am I doing?”

”Something a fucking cockroach does after I spray Raid on it. How the fuck do you clench your buttcheeks like that?”

Baley halted in mid thrust, surprised but not exactly fearful (yet) as she whizzed around to face the sliding glass doors that led into her back yard. It was pitch black outside, and all she could see was her own reflection starring back at her. She was also too high to care about the fact that she had the hood of her sweatshirt over her head and the strings pulled all the way out, which only exposed the center of her face in a squished circle.

“I use my glutes. You know that. Why haven’t you come in?” She asked, not superstitious but a lil-stitious.

“This isn’t Taehyung.”

“Okay, Isn’t Taehyung. Why haven’t you come in?”

“Because I want you to come out here.” The killer responded, grinning at the visible unease finally creeping into the girls stance.

“Okay, babe— I hate to be a bummer here, but considering that today is the one-year anniversary of Ms. (L/N)’s murder, this isn’t very Cash Money of you. Can you please just come in and.. stop?”

He let out a chuckle, a dark one.

“Boo bear?”

“What, Isn’t Taehyung?”

“Turn on the outside lights.“

Ghostface put the speaker on the phone and sat it on the ground as he crouched over Taehyung, pulling him to sit up straight. He watched as Baley apprehensively padded over to the light switch by the door. He could practically feel her heart beating in-sync with Taehyung’s racing one as he placed the knife to his neck, smiling beneath his disguise.

The lights flickered on, and she screamed, terror finally bringing the seriousness out in the situation.

“HANG UP OR MOVE A MUSCLE AND HE DIES!” The killer roared, knowing she was still too high for her survival instincts to kick in. Any sober, sane individual would’ve probably caught on to the fact that they were gonna die no matter what she did. What was just making it easier for himself, knowing her dumbass was gonna comply.

“W-What do you want me to do?”

See?

“Be a good girl, and come here.”

“Quit trying to seduce me, you sick son of a bitch. My boyfriend’s literally right there!” She croaked out, voice shrill with exasperation.

The killer plunged the knife into Taehyung’s arm, making him jolt to life with a pain-filled howl. Baley began sobbing out, apologizing profusely.

“Your boyfriends going to get gutted like a fish if I have to repeat myself. Drop the phone and come here.” Ghostface seethed, wrenching the knife back out on the last word.

Baley reluctantly— and stupidly— did as told. She let the phone fall from her hand, then jumped out of her skin as the Bluetooth reconnected in the house and started playing WAP. She tried not to sing along despite the situation as she padded over, shaky hands rising to cover her mouth.

“N-Now what?” She asked.

“I just figured your last words should be said face-to-face. Is there anything you two would like to say to each other?” He asked, that being the only generosity he’d be willing to spare as he ripped the tape away from Tae’s mouth, one last time.

Baley dropped to her knees, so much despair in her eyes. So many things she wanted to say. She recollected herself and caught her breath in just enough time to utter final goodbye: “I-I-I said certified freak..”

Tae’s eyes closed as a single tear escaped, nodding his head in understanding. “Seven days a week...”

“GAH!” The killer roared out, wrenching Taehyung’s head back to slice his throat before shoving him away and lunging at Baley.

She landed on her back with him on top, and he wasted no time as he began slashing her apart, in any way he possibly could. He let all the pent up rage and annoyance he felt towards her, out on her body. It was worse than the brutality he inflicted on to your mother this time last year. He’d only stabbed her a total of 19 times— one for every year she failed you as a mother. With Baley, he didn’t stop tearing into her until WAP ended. And damn, did it feel good. He finally felt like he’d purged his soul clean.

This may all seem reckless, but Jungkook was actually just lucky. In order to mask his true motive behind all this, he had to find another one to cover it with. It was simply convenient that Baley’s father is the town mayor, and after a little digging, he made the grand discovery that he was also having a secret affair with (Y/N)’s mother. In fact, the mayor had several mistresses throughout the town.

Jungk—er, Ghostface.. chopped off one of Baley’s fingers and slid the glass door shut, writing the same words on it that he wrote on your mother’s bathroom mirror.

CHEATING PIG!!

Yes. When he did this last year, the police had to dissect through your mother’s long line of past sexual partners, and had to track down the father you never met for an interview. No leads came about, because it was all time wasted, anyways. Now, with this new addition, the mayor will not only have to set the scandals ablaze again by having to publicly confess his infidelity to the town and police, but they’ll have to lead on another pointless investigation for every woman he’s cheated with— over a dozen of them. They’ll have to also charge him with withholding crucial information from the investigation as well, but what’s so fucking comical about it all is that.. NONE of it has anything to do with any of this. It’ll just be another cold case with no leads.

And maybe, just MAYBE you’ll be smart enough to ditch this place and come with him. That’s all he wanted. You have nothing left and nothing to come back to now, and as long as you give in to him and leave, there won’t have to be anymore lives taken. You could start a new life and never experience another hell like the one he’s creating here. If only you’d say yes.

“May you both continue to clap each other’s cheeks in the deepest depths of hell,” he told the mauled corpses as he walked off, so happy to have Baley gone that he almost wanted to skip to his car.

Now, he will go home and clap your cheeks to complete the cycle.

—

“Damnit, bitch, pick up,” you huffed in frustration as Baley’s FaceTime continued to roll over, telling you that she’s unavailable. You thought you could power through today with your newly adapted ability to suppress shit, but it was hard when you’re left alone to reminisce. You just couldn’t shake the fact that the date on today’s calendar marked the same day that your heart, soul, and peace of mind was so horribly torn apart.

It didn’t help that you also missed your mother terribly. She wasn’t always the best, but she still loved you, and you loved her. Oh, God. Mom—

No. No. Don’t think about her.

You tried calling Baley one more time and couldn’t fight off the tremble in your hands, nor the tears at your water ducts as it rung through till the end. Damnit.

You couldn’t be angry. She doesn’t owe you the company— especially since you two have already been FaceTiming all day. But she was good at distractions, always able to drag you out of your shell of deprecation with her chaotic sense of humor. She is one of the only two people you have in your life that are capable of doing such, but you knew you’d get scolded if you blew up the others phone. Jungkook hates being hounded and rushed, having already told you that he’ll be there any minute. But he’s taking way too fucking long it seems, and you just hate sitting here, waiting.

You can’t shake the feeling that you’re being watched. The feeling first crept up on you this time last year and never left. You felt so venerable to the cruel world when you’re alone, especially since the maniac is still out there.

You still resent the police department for practically giving up on your mother’s case after 9 months. “Cheating pig” was the only lead they got and yet, it pointed them no where. She wasn’t in a relationship. She didn’t even like relationships. And still, they deemed it a randomized attack— no leads, no motives. Nothing. Just a local woman stabbed in the chest 19 times while taking a shower. Like some Psycho remake. No signs of forced entry. No evidence of sexual assault. Just a very passionate, yet unexplainable massacre with a useless message left behind.

It doesn’t make sense. And even though you wish to never have the attacker come back, you can feel it in your bones that they will wish to clarify it one day.

“Fuck it.” You breathed out, heart slamming against your chest and paranoia gnawing at your insides as you quickly scrolled to Jungkook contact. But then, just as your thumb twitched to press the call button, your door bell rung and you sprung up to your feet, making a mad dash to the door. You checked the peep hole first, just knowing it was gonna be him, but was disappointed when it wasn’t. That still didn’t keep a rush of relief from washing over you when you did see who it really was, though. You forced a welcoming smile on to your face as you unlocked all 7 bolts from the door, and opened it to greet Namjoon and Hobi with a hug.

They were cops, currently in their uniforms, also old friends from highschool. They’ve been looking out for you ever since last year, always making sure you knew you were safe beneath their watch. They use to take turns guarding your house until they were told to stop, but you were extremely happy to see them both here at the same time tonight.

“Everything okay?” Hobi asked, having noticed the shake in your limbs during the brief embrace. He leaned back and observed the tension in your eyes, even though you were hoping to hide it.

“Yes, just— today,” was all you could say, and didn’t have to clarify for them to understand.

“That’s why we’re here. We got permission to guard your house tonight,” Namjoon explained, eyes drifting over your shoulder and into your house. “Are you alone?”

“Yes, but Jungkook should be here any minute now. He had to go to South Korea for a week for his fathers birthday and just flew back in tonight, but apparently there’s been some huge wreck on the main highway and everyone has been stuck.”

That bit of information was actually true. However, Jungkook was lucky enough to have just miss it.. because he’s the one that actually caused it. It was honestly dumb-luck as to how he did it, but kind of amazing when given details.

He was in the express lane, him and the car behind him hitting 80mph. He recognized the car as the one that was parked beside his back at the airport, because he had stopped and took a moment to judge the driver for how worn down and raggedy the tires were. One bad pot hole or nail in the road would strip that sucker straight from the rim.

And that’s exactly what inspired him as he recognized the car, an idea sparking that could soon serve as an alibi in the future. He already had a hand out the window, smoking a cigarette. He still has those iron steak-nails he used at his construction sight. They’re 5 inches in length, subtle enough to casually drop out of a car window along with the cigarette. If they hit just right...

He gave it a try, honestly thinking it wasn’t going to work.

But holy fucking hell, did it. Not even a second after he dropped it, did the car suddenly swerve out as it’s tires screeched and sparks flew. Rubber scattered out amongst the road as the car continued to spin out, getting struck by a the car in all 6 lanes of traffic, ultimately causing a huge pile up in just under 10 seconds. It was the most destruction he’s ever witnessed and it happened so fucking fast he almost ran himself off the road just watching from the rear view mirror.

“NO FUCKING WAY!” Jungkook had squawked out as his head rapidly whipped back and forth to witness the massive mess he just created behind him. He was smiling like the maniac he is, undoubtably impressed with himself. He did it so lazily, too. But it only pumped him up even more for what he needed to do- the whole reason he even thought to do that. He only wanted something major enough to buy himself maybe an hour’s worth of time, so that when/if he gets interrogated in the future, they can check the traffic reports for a registered wreck to fit his alibi. But considering that he just shut the whole damn highway down, it’ll not only register but definitely make tonight’s news.

“Ah, yeah. We heard about that. 36 cars piled up. Can’t believe nobody was killed.” Namjoon said.

“How the fuck did that even happen?” You wondered, baffled.

“Some dickhead was going 80 an hour on an old tire and it wiped out after hitting a nail on the road. Thankfully, he only has a broken nose and whip flash, but with all the cars that got totaled— I don’t even want to know how much the cost of damage would be. But it caused 5 miles worth of traffic back-up.”

“Mm..” you grimaced, shaking your head. “Well.. would you guys like some dinner? Maybe some Coffee?”

“Ah, thanks, but there’s no need. We’ve got all the energy drinks and McDonald’s we need. You just chill out for the night, we’re right out here if you need anything,” Hobi assured, making you genuinely smile for the first time in the past two days.

But that was just before a familiar car pulled up that had your mood skyrocketing.

“FINALLY!” You broke out, sprinting down the steps and over the driver side of it right as the man of the hour stepped out. He welcomed you with open arms and easily lifted your feet up of the ground.

He looked just as good as he smelt. You’ve missed him more than words could describe in this past week— and Jungkook knew it. Of course, he had offered to take you with him so that you could finally meet his parents. But as predicted, you declined, saying that it’d be too much to meet his mother when the anniversary of your own’s death was approaching.

You continued to squeeze your arms around his neck for the next several seconds, and it wasn’t until he heard you sniffling and felt your shoulders shake that he realized you were crying. He couldn’t help but like that type of reaction. He was hoping the distance would torment you, maybe teach your ass a lesson.

“Don’t cry,” he rumbled in your ear as he pressed you hard against his lower half, making sure to up the intimacy of the embrace as he felt the eyes of the onlookers in the yard.

He waited for a second before peering over at the officers, who were awkwardly standing beside their cars. He gave a wave, pretending as if he were sheepish about them having to witness this.

“How’s it goin, guys?”

“Fine, fine,” Hobi responded. “Don’t mind us. We’re just here to watch out for you guys.”

“I appreciate that. Really.” He said in his best acting voice, even flashing a dimpled grin that gave off nothing but innocence as the two got into a patrol car, nodding to him in welcome. It actually makes things more convenient for him. They’ll be able to backup his whereabouts later on.

He pondered this while returning his attention to you, coaxing you out of your emotional outburst.

“I’m sorry. It’s just been so hard not having you here. Fuck, I’m so glad you’re back.” You breathed in and sighed out, and he could tell by the end of the last sentence that you were more-so talking to yourself, clinging to him one last time just to greedily soak in the physical presence of his body. He felt something ache in his heart, as well as his jeans.

“Well, I’m here now. Maybe next time, you’ll just go with me,” he lightly chided, hand coming up to pet your head as he kissed the top of it.

“Yeah.. I started regretting it after the first hour you left.” You whispered out, meeting his lips. You kissed each other a couple times, probably more than necessary. But it calmed you down and made you feel steady again. “Come on, I made you something to eat.”

He got his duffel bag out from the back seat and slung it over his shoulder before taking your hand, following you inside. It boosted his ego knowing that the two men watching from the tinted windows of the car were secretly jealous of him. They had a thing for you. Almost every straight guy in highschool did. That’s why he never minded what you wore, and was more than happy to let you flaunt yourself to their eyes. He liked teasing others, knowing they’ll never have such a prize as you.

Once inside, you were quick to relock your bolts. You were very strict about that now, taking extra precautions to prevent a potential attack. It kind of humored him knowing that it was him, a resident inside this very home itself, that those locks were meant to keep out. You’re literally locking yourself in with the killer.

“Damn, you cleaned the hell out of this place.” He ogled, not only taking in the immaculacy but smelling the pinesol and bleach amongst the floors and counter tops. All the laundry was folded, not a speck of dust in sight. You even cleaned the grout amongst the kitchen flooring, it seemed. Nothing looked out of place.

“I had to do something to keep from wigging out,” you shrugged, walking over to start the microwave for him to heat up his dinner plate. He left his duffel bag by the door and grabbed himself a beer before sitting at the table, noticing it’s prestigious shine.

“Did you polish it?”

“Yeah...” you said as you scratched the back of your neck, somehow embarrassed.

“It’s looks amazing in here, kitten. Really. I know you did it to cope but still, you did a damn good job.” He praised, feeling a little bad. He knows this took a lot of work, and it sucks that you opted to do all this just to keep the anxiety of his absence away.

“Thank you,” you sighed, taking his plate out and sitting in down in front him, then handing him some utensils.

“Where’s your plate?”

“I already ate, silly. I’ll munch with you, though.” You began making yourself a salad as he began to eat, complimenting you on how good it was. He doesn’t know that you’ve been awake for two days straight, and that you’re still battling off an anxiety attack. You were expecting it to vanish now that he’s here, but the sleep deprivation was getting to you.

So, you decided to reminisce on better memories. The old days; back when you first met him.

It was senior year of highschool, and he was the new transfer student from South Korea. He was the punk-emo guy that stood out amongst the crowd. All black clothing, more band shirts than anything. He had that messy mop-hair going on, and approximately 6 piercings on each ear, along with a studded labret to boot.

From day one, he was the most attractive guy you’ve ever laid eyes on. Much to his exterior trope, he was anti-social and didn’t seem friendly at all. The only time you personally heard him speak for the first few months of school was when he’d answer the teacher for roll call.

You only had one class together, chemistry. He’d always sit at the back of the classroom, and you’d remember the giddiness you’d feel just before walking into class and making eye contact with him, even for just a split second. You heart always skipped a beat and would threaten to seize up whenever Baley would lean over and tell you that he was looking at you again. Of course, that would be all the interaction you could get, being as you refused to engage any further. But life seemed to play out like a Wattpad fic back then.

Around the middle of first semester, your teacher was fed up with all the chatter amongst friends, so she decided to assign seats. Jungkook’s was still at his designated one, but you had to sit directly in front of him so that Taehyung could sit closer up, next to Baley. It’s also thanks to that class that the two of them fell for each other. It was also the same day she issued a partner-assignment that had to be done with the peer behind you.

You remembered having to play it cool, turning your desk and chair around to face him head-on for the first time ever. You anticipated that he’d still be sporting that ice-cold, disinterested glare, but he actually seemed pleased. He wasn’t actually smiling but he had a friendly glint in his eyes, like he welcomed you.

“Hello,” he started off, naturally confident in himself.

“Howdy,” you responded, immediately hating yourself. You’ve never uttered such a word in your life and you don’t know why the fuck you decided that that was the perfect moment to try it out.

He only snorted back at you, though, amusement swirling in his colorless eyes. You were intimidated by that as well. They were jett black. No distinction between his pupils and his irises. Just solid, black orbs boring into you.

You then continued to battle with basic communication.

“So, uhm.. wh—..”

English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?!

“What parts do you wanna do?” You rushed out.

“I’ll get the information together and answer the questions, as long as you create the PowerPoint and present it to the class,” he said without missing a beat, as if he’d already decided on that for the both of you.

“What criteria, though?” You asked, still waiting on that part.

“All of it...” He reiterated in a “duh” tone.

“That’s not fair to you, though...” you continued.

He arched an impressively sharp brow. “How?”

“You’re literally doing all the hard work.”

He shrugged, and you tried not to drool when you saw all his rings and the veins on his hands and fingers as he took his phone out. “I learned this shit back when I was freshman in South Korea. We’re way ahead of y’all there.”

“Oh.. well.. I can at least do the images and label them.”

Stop starring at his fingers.

“Mm,” he hummed with a lack of conviction, still looking at his phone. “No offense, but no.”

“Uhm.. okay..” you frowned in dejection, not sure how to respond to that.

“I said no offense,” he grinned up at you apologetically. “I just know you’re bad with visualizations.”

“What? I have an A in here. How do you even know that?”

“The teacher got onto you for messing up the labels on the last test. You got all the functions right but failed to match them to their description.” He said without any hesitation, and you were just as stunned as you were embarrassed. But he didn’t seem to be insulting you, and even reassured you of it. “Again, no offense. I just think it’s best for the both of us if I do it.”

“Okay. Cool,” You agreed, deciding to let him have it. Your face still burned, though.

“You still have an important role, don’t worry. Presentation is worth 40%, so you’re still gonna have to put in work and present it accordingly.”

“I can do that.” You nodded, suddenly feeling like you were sitting before a full grown man rather than a teenage boy. You couldn’t help but ask: “How old are you?”

“19,” he mused, as if he knew what you were thinking. He didn’t even ask you why you asked, and instead returned his attention back to his phone screen. “You?”

“18,” you muttered, your eyes reconnecting to his hands like magnets.

You really wanted to compliment them but decided against it, being as you were no longer as confident with this situation. Sure, he deserves to know how beautiful his hands are but you’re weren’t going to be the one to say it. You were expecting a cheeky personality at most, just because it fits the mischievous bad boy bullshit you read about in teen fiction, but you were instead met with a blunt and mature persona that made you intimidated in a way that you’ve never experienced before. He almost seemed.. authoritative to you.

“I see you like my rings.” He smirked, eyes not even looking back up at you. You had spaced out whilst tracing the path of his veins again, and immediately cut your eyes down to your own phone, feigning innocence.

“Whatchu mean?”

“Everyone like my hands, for some reason. I see you’re no different.”

“I ain’t even looking at your hands. Maybe you’re just too conceded,” you shot back, leg nervously pouncing as he lifted his head up to peer at you.

“Really?” He sarcastically challenged, making your insides stir. He sat up straight and pulled his hands back under his desk. “So the gold rings didn’t even catch your eye?”

“Your rings are silver.” You said without even thinking, then straight up face-palmed when you caught yourself.

“Thought so.” He openly grinned, and the little notion caused butterflies to erupt in your tummy. He pulled his phone back out and still wore that playful grin of his as you bashfully held his gaze. “Now, if you think you can manage to tell the truth, what’s your phone number?”

It’s amazing looking back at those memories, because you’re now starting to think that maybe Jungkook just knew back then that you two were going to hit it off. He’s always seemed so sure of himself when it came to you, always knew what the next move was gonna be and never once sent mixed signals or struggled to express how he felt towards you. He’s the most straightforward person you know, so much that it’s almost unnatural at times. If he was ever bluffing about anything outside of being playful, you’ve never been able to call it.

But damn, are you madly in love with him. You guess his ability to always remain focused and blunt is perfect for a person like you. He keeps you moving... well, for the most part. He wants you to move back to South Korea with him, and although you know you’ll eventually give in, you’ve been trying to hold off on it for as long as you can.

It won’t be as easy for you as it was for him. Jungkook was already fluent in English when he came here, thanks to his mother’s bilingualism. He hardly even had an accent from how well adjusted he was to your language. You, however, don’t know a bit of Korean. For you to go there, it would impair you in almost every single way. You won’t be able to go anywhere without him. You won’t be able to read directions or road signs. You won’t be able to go out and eat or order off the menu if there isn’t any pictures. You won’t be able to work. You’ll have to adapt to a whole new culture and way of communication, just to properly function outside of your home without him at your side.

Which, brings along another point, you’ll be without any friends. You don’t want to live in a world where you can’t go out with Taehyung and Baley whenever you wanted. You’ll be lonely as hell and home sick, he’ll be your only source of humanly contact until you learn.

You’ve told yourself that if the two of you remain stable for one more year, then you’ll go. You are ready for a change, but if you could just get one more year of preparation, you’ll be ready to go. You’ll take that leap of faith with him.

“What is it, kitten?” He finally asked, the prolonged silence getting to him.

“Nothing,” you lied, but didn’t want to divulge. “How was your trip?”

“Nice, but I was bummed out the whole time.” He shot you a look that made you pout in apology, but continued. “I talked all about you to them, showed them pictures. Almost fucked up and showed my cousin your vagina.”

You choked on your salad, which made him laugh. “I told you to put those in your hidden folder.”

“There’s so many, I just haven’t taken the time to pick them all out. It’s okay though, they only saw your face. They all think very beautiful— especially my mom.”

Your smile grew at that, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. So does my grandmother and my aunts. They were passing my phone around more than the dishes.” He snorted to himself, “They were even more surprised to see how much I smiled in our selfies. Which... I should warn you, when you do finally see my parents house, don’t be surprised when you spot our photo booth pictures framed in the hall. My mom went feral when she saw how much of a simp I was being in those.”

“She printed those out?!” You almost cried.

“Yes, she did. She printed each one individually and framed them side-by-side.”

“Aw, Kookie. I should’ve just went. I’m so sorry.” You pouted, guilt causing your heart to sink.

“You weren’t ready, angel. They understood,” He assured you, leaning forward to take your hand in his. You suddenly wanted to cry again.

“But I promise to go next time. Or whenever you wanna take me. I swear, I’ll go.” You said in determination, and was a little thrown off by his reaction.

His face went blank for a moment c like his brain needed a second to buffer.

“You will?” He inquired, that being the first time you’ve actually agreed or expressed any type of want. “Why now?”

“Because it sounds like they really want to meet me, too? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. That’s great. I just figured you wouldn’t be moved by that. You really wanna go now?”

“Yeah. Your family sounds so nice.”

“Was that what kept you from coming?” He interrogated, and it’s clear that he genuinely had no faith in you ever entertaining the idea.. which was a little disheartening. You’ve never said you’d never want to go, you’ve always kept a window open for later. You not sure why he’s so surprised.

“No, not necessarily. I wasn’t ready to meet them but if they’re that excited to meet me, then.. of course it’ll make me want to meet them, too. And get a little taste of South Korea.”

“Alright, I’ll plan a trip,” he had to say with forced enthusiasm, which you bought as you kissed his lips. Inwardly, though, he was screaming. If all it fucking took was a little conviction by saying his family was nice, just to make you consider.. them maybe he wouldn’t have had to do what he just did.

Whatever. Extra insurance. He had to tell himself, and decided to retrain his thoughts back on you as he remembered something.

“I have a special surprise for you.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” he stood up and walked over to his duffel, fishing around before pulling something out. “Close your eyes.”

You did as told, and waited about 10 seconds.

“Open.”

You almost shit yourself upon hearing the voice, then came closer to shitting yourself when you took in the familiar Ghostface mask that you seen in the movie Scream.

“WHUZZZUUHHH!” He drawled out while doing the cowabunga fingers, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Where the hell did you get that?”

“Halloween store. I got it in Korea.”

That was a lie. He’s had two of these masks for over two years, both of which he got from Party City here in America. He bought one to kill your mother in— the same one he just wore to kill your friends in— and the other one was meant for what he wanted to do now. He wanted to fuck you with it on. He’s not sure why, but why not? You might discover you have a mask kink.

“What the fuck is up with the voice?”

“Sexy, ain’t it?” He animatronically purred out, and it wasn’t until he fully stepped forward and began undoing his belt that you realized he was already shirtless.

Your eyes grew wide as you landed back in your chair, unable to decipher if this was a joke or not. You soon realized it wasn’t as he was now popping his button loose and unzipping his pants— his hardening dick print becoming more prominent.

“You’re not fucking me with that mask on,” you blurted out, sticking your foot out to stop him from advancing any closer.

“I’m fucking you with this mask on,” he argued, grabbing your ankle. “Consider it pay back for the time you refused to give me head unless I let you wear your Burger King crown.”

“No, Darth Vader.” You tried pulling your leg back but soon wound up almost getting drug out of your chair and onto the floor. Your unease soon turned into giggles and screams as wound up besting your play fight, his mask only coming off long enough to go down on you at the kitchen table.

And that’s what set the night off. You went from getting your pussy eaten at the dinner table to getting your throat wrecked on the living room couch. Then you were forced to watch yourself get rammed up against your body mirror in the bedroom, and now you’re bent up like a pretzel amongst your bed.

“Ah— GAH!” You grunted in struggle, finding it hard to cuss like you wanted being as a hand was firmly constricting your air supply. You watched the masked man above you as he heatedly fucked into you, his chain dangling above your face. Your ankles helplessly swayed around his shoulders with each brutal slap of his pelvis. Your face still stung from the actual slaps of his palms, causing you to flinch any time his hands moved. You noticed done time throughout all this that he was hellbent on making you look at that damn mask. You weren’t complaining, though. Just more-so concerned about how hot it must be under there.

But then he slowed down for a moment, trying not to cum again as he lowered his face to yours, and finally decided it was time it come off, being as you were ready for a kiss.

“T-Take that damn mask off—“

Wrong move.

He growled and ripped your hand away as you tried removing it yourself, and you were stunned by how much aggressive he became— more aggressive than he was already being, as if truly lashing out. He man-handled you, flipping you over and plunging back into you with way too much force. You yelped at the intrusion but could do nothing else as he pinned your hands behind your back, picking his speed right back up. He kept your hands locked in place with a single one of his own before clapping the other around your mouth, darkly chuckling at the fright on your face.

“I meant it when I said it’s staying on,” he rasped, pushing into you so deep that veins protruded from your neck in strain.

He couldn’t explain it— or maybe he could. But he felt extremely powerful when he wore this mask. It took him all of two rounds to finally admit to himself that it turned him on, knowing you were getting off to the very same face that your loved ones last looked at in sheer terror. He didn’t realize up until then that he somehow considered Ghostface as a different alternative to himself, one he was growing to like a little too much. It even made his dick more sensitive to the feel of you, making you seem tighter. And warmer. And sluttier.

He’s sure he began speaking Latin somewhere in the midst, but it wasn’t until he saw tears surfacing in your eyes that it dawned on him that his hand had somehow traveled up to cover your nose, as well as your mouth. A moment of panic shot through him when he dropped it and allowed you to breathe, thinking you were gonna make him stop. But much to his pleasant surprise, you only coughed out and mewled, head collapsing on the pillow as you pushed against him, a silent demand keep going. So he did. He made sure to keep the punishing pace up and running. Your body violently jolted with each slam, ass bone aching at the brutal impact. Each thrust was felt like a punch to your cervix and someway or another, you were okay with it.

Little did he know, it was actually because you didn’t want any type of deja vu happening. He fucked you in all the ways you liked the night before you found out that your mother was slaughtered inside your childhood home. You didn’t want tonight to be anything like it. So you let him hurt you.

If only you knew history was going to repeat itself, no matter what the two of you did.

It didn’t take but a few more strokes before he lost his ability to hold off, and emptied himself inside for the third time since he’s arrived back.

Once he did that, the blinds were illuminated in a dim grey, hinting at a sunrise. After a quick shower and clean up, the two of laid there, the mask finally gone.

“What are you thinking, baby?” Jungkook wondered, starring up at the ceiling. You haven’t said much of anything since that last bit. “Did I hurt you? Scare you?”

“No. I could take it.” You said, and it sounded genuine. But he still wanted to know what was on your mind. “I just don’t know what the hell I would do if I didn’t have you. You’re the only person I know that’s never even accidentally done wrong by me. You’ve been nothing but good.”

A void clouded his mind, emotional absence taking place of everything else. It’s a defense mechanism that he’s certain only comes up to block out any sense of guilt or remorse. He kept his gaze up at the ceiling, even as he felt you crane your neck back to look up at him.

“I love you, Kookie. Thank you for being here.”

“I love you too, baby,” he said numbly, those words being true... but his next words were not. “I could never imagine myself doing anything to hurt you.”

Being as he wasn’t planning on looking down, you crawled up for a moment just to kiss him, unbothered by the distant stare in his gaze. You then laid back down and got comfortable, readying yourself for a good days sleep.

“I think it’s finally time I start seeking happiness again, instead of contentment.”

That’s when it hit him. You didn’t notice how his heart cleaned beneath your head, nor was there any way you could feel the tension in his gut. He can’t say he feels full remorseful for what he did, because that would require him sympathizing for the innocent lives he’s taken away, with no rational reason. He simply didn’t feel anything for them. He was only concerned your pain, especially knowing it was unnecessary now. His trip to Korea was enough to motivate you to move on and consider a change of scenery. You didn’t need any fear to drive you out, you just needed time. God only knows how far of a set back this will be now. The fact that you’re laying here, currently thinking that life will only go up from here, when he knows damn good and well it’ll be in shambles again before the day ends..

He really needs to work on his impulses. Maybe homocide shouldn’t always be the first option he leans towards. It was just more fun that way.

But moments like this weren’t fun at all. He remembers how grueling it was last year, waking up with you at the sound of the doorbell going off. He remembers the grim look on the sheriffs face as he told them that they found your mother, dead. It was his arms that had to pick you up off the floor as you crumbled down and screamed, his ears that rung as he held you, not knowing how to console you. For the last year, it’s been his shoulder you’ve cried on, his company keeping you sane, his reassurance telling you that everything was going to be okay.... When it was his hands that caused every single bit of grieve all along.. and was about to cause even more.

So, he did the only thing he could do in that moment. He held you and mentally apologized, hoping that there was some way to telepathically tell you that you mean more to him than life itself, and that’s he’s so sorry for letting it drive him crazy at times. He’s still clinging to the original intention that you’ll say fuck it and flee with him, but he regrets going about it so recklessly.

You were fast asleep now, snoring even. He only hoped the discovery of the bodies would hold off long enough for you to get some much needed sleep. But it seems the universe was done working in his favor.

Those same, familiar knocks sounded off at the door, and he immediately ordered you to stay put as it woke you up.

“Probably just them checking up. Go back to sleep.” He whispered, assertively pushing your head back down and pulling on some sweats before going to the door.

It was the sheriff, same look on his face as last year.

“Sir?” Jungkook frowned, posing cluelessly.

The sheriff looked ghostly pale, like he was nauseated and on the verge of tears. Jungkook knew why but he had to act like it was a throw off.

“Sir..?” He repeated.

“Y’all’s friends.. Baley and Taehyung were found this morning.”

He had to stall and blink, as if he wasn’t catching on to the implications. The sheriff reluctantly continued.

“Baley was found, dead on arrival. Looks like the killer has returned.”

“Wh-What?” Jungkook stuttered, acting like he was bewildered. The sheriff’s next words, however, would spark a more genuine reaction.

“And Taehyung was found unconscious, but still alive.”

Jungkook’s veins ran colder than ever before, all mimicked emotions becoming sincere in that moment.

“Someone attempted to cut his throat, but aimed too high and cut his under jaw instead.”

Jungkook could only stare at the sheriff, probably just as pale in the face now.

“He’s in critical condition. Doctors don’t know if he’ll make it just yet, but there’s a fighting chance that he might.”

#yandere society #bts #jeon jungkook #yandere bts #yandere jungkook #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #bts halloween #bts crack #jungkook smut #bts smut

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shyrose57 · 4 years ago

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Brothers anon and ah, its just me than. Links on tumblr break half the time for me sorry bout that!

1: Mostly how it looks in the actual episode but with some changes. Its gaint, even has multiple floors, most rooms have a glass dome roof with iron railings (3-4) lining the bottom of the glass. The hallway typically have windows leading up to the roof, but the roof and both floor are a mix of materials like iron, copper, wood, and even gold. The most complex room is the Council room, which has a a higher roof than the rest, with mostly wood railings that go all the way up and lead to a circle at the top. The Council is the group that leads Mizu, they have 1 leader of every Idol to represent the different opinions of the citizens, with 1 special member that doesnt belong to any Idol, and is instead used to represent the opinions of people who either haven't chosen a idol yet, got kicked out of a idol following, and just to give a unbiased opinion most of the time. They do make most decisions, mostly those relating to topics like construction, farming, money distribution, where people can live, etc. And they also mostly agree on most subjects and don't agure, but they do have massive disagreements on topics and problems like Representation in other Cities/Kingdoms, trading, visitors and immigrants, and sometimes supply missions.

3: Situations like taking care of his siblings (I have decided Benjamin shall have siblings) and friends, and he was also put under extreme stress as a kid in school and family life, but unlike Ranbob, he managed to successfully communicate his struggle and find coping mechanisms. Also when he went off to live by himself for a bit, he was under sudden extreme situations where he had to make split second decision. So he just learned from everything thats happened to him over time.

8: Levi exists purely to make Watson and others go insane. People claimed it was made up because they claimed most events as unrealistic (like Doomsday, Techno escaping a death trial, Pandoras Vault (they believed it impossible for something to be inescapable)). Plus the fact it seemed cruel such young people where faced with such trauma that no sane person would let it happen, and the fact most historical important items couldn't be found, people claiming that they where made up (also cause if the land was that exposed to such devastation, it would've collapsed on itself). No to both of those, by this point their to far away from Dream for him to have a direct meaningful affect on the group, and while the residents of Kelalen know it was Dreams sword, the group does not know. Nope! Mizu came about years after Kelalen was forgotten about and shamed. And Mizu was only made because of the growing number of believers in the SMP history was causing disruptions in both the political sense and educational sense, so it was made to separate the "outcasts". Though Mizu eventually grew as big as most cities, and greatly civilized and advanced, though they where still often "forgotten" about and basically seperate from the Kingdom that set them up and became their own place (though not officially).

They do have a friendship! Its not super close but their definitely friends. Ranbob is definitely a worrier, he heard that two of his friends almost died he immediately goes to them and fuses over them. And when their recovering he doesnt leave their side, infact Benjamin has to drag him away from the two just to get him to eat. And he refuses to sleep unless he's like directly on top of them. Yeah, Cletus challenges Grievous to a parkour challenge over a Delta Basalt, and he happily accepts. They end up giving everyone a heart attack after Cletus slips and almost falls onto a magma block. Jackie plays in soul sand and dumps a handful down Rans shirt, Watson teaches Charles and Isaac how to make gold from gold nuggets and more Piglin culture. When Cletus is cleared to be ok and Jackie stops getting soul sand in areas he didn't even know existed. They all sit in a circle and decide what they should try first, with Ran and Watson watching carefully and preventing them from drinking anything that they recognized as harmful. But other than that they just let the others do whatever.

10: Because he couldn't use it, when Dream was a full human he used to be able to access his powers at his own will. But after his spirit got linked to his mask his power greatly reduced. To the point he relies on others for his powers, more specifically, he needs them to be exposed to him for a certain amount of time (like 2 weeks) until he can use their own essence/spirit to help his powers. When the group of people came after Ranbob left, they stayed for a long time, especially after they took the mask with them. Dream got the power back. Cause it is a "I worked to hard to give this up." Type situation. Ranbob was his first victim and the first person he had control over in decades, he considers Ranbob the puppet he was meant to have and refuses to let him go. Everyone is the nat to him, but specifically Ran. Cause Ran was the only person who survived the murders, so Dream sees him as a kill that was taken from him that he needs to fix. Everyone else to him is nothing more than an annoyance, and he's more than happy to use them as nothing more than a stepping stone to kill once he's done with them.

13: Ran is stronger than everyone else, Jackie is faster than everyone else, and Watson is more acrobatic than everyone else. Sorry can you reword "Is Jackie considered stronger than them aside from shared tactics, or is it the other way around?"? I dont completely understand sorry. Kind of, I'll say. There can only be 3 ranking members, but it can also be 2 Corporals and 1 Sergeant.

14: They where caught off guard, but also knew something must be going on due to the fishermen staying closer to Ranbob than normal. He never got too far, as he isnt very fast and Charles and both Isaac tend to be fast enough to get him. If the episode is really bad bringing him back can lead into physical fights but it rarely gets into that, as it seems like Ranbob really doesn't want to fight them most of the time, and holds himself back.

Well, I hope it’s working for you now, cause that sounds less than ideal, honestly.

1: Well, Mizu sounds gorgeous, quite frankly. As for the council having a member of no idol, what about that? People can get kicked out from an idol group? Why? Do some just never choose an idol? Also, how’s the housing situation there? Are there like, apartments on one of the floors, or something? Why does the council not really agree on outside affairs?

3: Not gonna lie, I’m rather curious. What kind of life did Benjamin lead to be under such heavy stress? Does he relate to Ranbob because of this? And what was he doing when he lived on his own to need to make fast-paced decisions? Also, siblings! What’re his siblings like?

8: He sounds like it.

And hm. There are several things I’ve taken from this.

Do totems no longer exist, if they don’t believe Techno could have survived, or did that particular piece of the story just get left out over time?

Has Pandora’s vault fallen? And why would people find it unbelievable? If it’s the future, shouldn’t they have even more advanced technology than that? Or is it simply the lack of evidence that leads them to disagreeing about it’s existence?

They don’t believe people would have been so cruel to the younger ones? Oof, um. Well, at least that says something about the future, I guess.

Mizu sounds like it has an interesting history in it’s self. How do Ran and Ranbob feel about being in a world that basically shunned the people of what would eventually become their home? Do they ever have issues when people find out they originate from Mizu, or worship an idol? From how you put it, it seems like that wasn’t really looked upon well, since they shunted the people who did it to Mizu.

Friendships for the win! Maybe not close, but it sounds like an interesting dynamic. Charles honestly seems pretty mild, and as you said, shy, so putting him with Mr.Random And Chaotic certainly sounds like something. How did these two become friends?

And honestly, it sounds like everyone had a lot of unique experiences in the Nether. It also sounds like Ran and Ranbob were probably an inch from a heart-attack the entire time, considering the shenanigans ongoing. It sounds kind of cute that Ranbob was only sleeping when he was close to them though, and it gives me the image of a giant fluffy cat, so win-win there.

10: Interesting. Was Ranbob not enough to fully return that power to him when the Fishermen first came and took him? Or did Dream just not think they’d get that far and not react in time, when he still had that power from his puppet?

And, uh, wow. Dream was certainly off his rocker before, but that’s definitely cemented now. Is anyone aware he thinks of Ranbob in such a way? Does Ranbob know? How are everyone’s feelings on that-besides y’know, ‘gonna murder Mr.Mask Man’. How does everyone feel about being considered as ‘nats’?

13: Huh. And yeah, I confused myself rereading that. Basically, is Jackie considered stronger than those two? You said they were mostly on par, because of the shared tactics, so when it comes to cutting those shared tactics out of the picture, does Jackie come out on top?

14: So the gang could tell? If I may ask, what were the tells that gave Ranbob away?

#Brothers AU #dream smp #dream smp au #tales from the smp #ranbob #ran

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degeneratekitten · 4 years ago

Text

Breeding Woes (edited)

EDIT: I just wanted to make sure I gave credit to bitesized-degeneracy for posting this originally, I was hesitant to post at first because I’m not a big fan of tumblr, but it didnt take much for me to be convinced to make a blog.

This is a whump story, read the tags and don’t read if you don’t like it. There is an alternate ending to this that I wanted to post, I only gave this one an ending so I could end it if I didn't have the inspiration to continue. Turns out I did have the inspiration and wrote the other ending.

!!!WARNING!!! READ TAGS BEFORE READING. BITTY TORTURE. DONT LIKE DON’T READ.

“Through a stroke of luck you’ve come into possession of pregnant pygmy bitty. Now all you have to do is put up with his misbehavior until he gives birth.”

“Thank you for taking him in, I just couldn’t handle him anymore.” The guilty face of the middle aged woman gave you pause. You felt slightly bad for her, after all, the snivelling pygmy in your arms, simply would not stop crying out to her.

“Mommy please, I’m sorry, I know I’m a bad bitty but I love you so much!” It cried, its swollen pregnant belly adding an extra layer of tragedy to this. The woman gave the bitty an exasperated, helpless look.

“Don’t cry Bud. This woman right here will take good care of you. She’s agreed to be your new mommy.” She started holding out a finger to wipe away “Bud’s” tears.

The bitty violently shook his head crying out. “No mommy please I’ll be a good bitty I promise!!!” The response was typical, a common phrase that the woman had no doubt heard a million times. Bitties tended to have a very limited amount of phrases that they shot out at times like this, “Bud’s” being the most common.

An exasperated sigh escaped from the woman's lips. She couldn't help but to turn her back away from the bitty her shoulders slumping into defeat. Instead of letting this charade continue on, you placed the pregnant bitty into a small house.. “Don't worry Bud, I’ll take good care of you.” You assured the bitty, giving it a charming smile as you closed and locked the door, effectively sealing him in.

Turning back to the woman you continued your conversation. “It’s not a problem, I know how expensive pregnant bitties are. Let alone ones who misbehave as much as Bud. But I can guarantee that he’ll be taken care of while here.” You smiled, placing a hand on the poor woman’s shoulder as you led her to the door.

The woman let out a relieved sigh as soon as the lamia bitty was safely locked away. A few hours before the lamia had managed to slither its way into her purse before she left, causing her to come back an extra time. “Really I can’t thank you enough. My son just couldn’t handle him, with his pranks, his escapes, and whenever he would have his heats he would just say and do the worst things to my son.” She shuddered at the mention of the pygmy’s heat before continuing. “I just couldn’t let him be around my son for any longer. Then when he got pregnant.. Really it was just the last straw.” Shaking her head she smiled one last time at you before finishing. “But anyways I need to get to work, his little escape has already made me late. Goodbye.” She waved allowing you to say a quick goodbye before hurrying out the door. Leaving you alone with the cries of a pregnant pygmy.

As soon as the middle aged woman left you closed the door behind you, and glanced back at the bitty house the sounds of cries were coming from. From what the woman had been telling you earlier, this bitty was in serious need of training. Especially for during its heats.

The bitty in question was a stray, found by the woman's son during a storm. He was trapped inside of a plastic Tupperware container slowly filling with water. It had been holding on for dear life before being found. Apparently it had been abandoned, with useless, and slut scratched onto the container. Showing just how much it had angered the previous owner.

However despite having had a previous owner, the bitty in question was also quite disloyal. Quickly latching onto the son as his new “daddy”, while also having quite the proclivity to switch its love between the mother and son.

The most troubling part however was how it projected its sexual attention onto the son, constantly saying wildly inappropriate things to the son before, during, and after its heats. Humping, pleas for sex, and even attempting to wiggle its way towards the sons pants during these times not at all uncommon. During its last heat the mother had been so disgusted with “Bud’s” behavior that she had thrown him out the window during the night. Which had resulted in the bitty’s pregnant status.

Sighing to yourself you approached the bitty house, unlatching the door and giving the lamia a calculating look.

The clothes the bitty wore were stained with various things, mostly makeup that he’d apparently gotten into while inside the woman’s purse. The woman had commented on how expensive her makeup was, and just how much she would have to replace because of him, she also lamented on the loss of her bag, which had previously been white, but was now stained from the inside out with various hues of red and black. She hadn't been happy after reaching work to discover Bud had not only stowed away in her bag, but also tried to make himself “pretty” in an attempt to change mommy’s mind. His so called attempt to make himself pretty involved drawing flowers on his skull and tail in rouge, scribbling eyeliner onto the rims of his eye sockets, and staining his teeth and clothes in lipstick. The clothes in question that he’d ruined were actually rather nice, having previously been a nice white button up shirt with a cute blue bow tie in place of his signature blue handkerchief.

In addition there was also a rather disproportionate puddle of blue tears staining the floor of the bitty house. The floor was made out of smooth stone specifically for this type of situation. Many bitties found their way into your home, always in some state of distress, but you were nothing if not prepared. Reaching in with your gloved hand you gently picked up the pygmy, noting wryly to yourself the strange look it sent your way.

“You’re my new mommy?” It asked, showing its rather disloyal nature once again. You knew that you’d have to fix that little problem, and honestly it was something that would have to be done towards the end of your training.

You were a professional bitty trainer, your methods were “unique,” but also extremely effective. You took full advantage of the manufactured origin of bitties with your training. That didn't mean however that you were happy with just how much work Bud was going to be.

The history of bitties was actually rather unique, they had started out as a manufactured products, ones that had ended up as little more than a fad, and quickly fizzled out. The manufacturers of bitties had very quickly discontinued the product as liabilities of many bitties classified as more of a “protection” variety had been advertised very poorly, resulting in many unsuspecting families adopting dangerous bitties like pure bites, edgies, errors, and even poisonous varieties of lamia’s. There were very few disclaimers, and the company had been under the mistaken assumption that families would understand that the “protection” bitties were simply not meant to be family pets.

After a disastrous wave of accidents, maulings, and even deaths at the hands of the protection variety bitty, the company found itself drowned in lawsuits. It very quickly was forced to declare bankruptcy before simply imploding from within and going out of business.

The bitties themselves were expected to completely disappear outside of niche communities who had managed to get a hold of the manufacturing process of the bitties, but as is the nature of products created by magic, the bitties surprisingly after about 5 years developed the ability to reproduce.

At first it was more of an asexual reproduction, but soon later generations of bitties developed the ability to reproduce sexually, developing heats, ectoplasmic genitals, and creating larger amounts of offspring than asexual reproduction could yield. Many studies dedicated to this anomaly were launched only to yield the same unsatisfying result. Magic is weird.

Despite the evolution of bitties however they still retained their “manufactured” traits. Their fierce dependency on caretakers had remained, their infantile and limited cognitive abilities, along with their seeming inability to stray from specific personalities that the original bitties were programmed with. Their newly formed ability to reproduce had caused quite the stir, and their numbers climbed to staggering rates, flooding the streets, and overrunning animal shelters. Soon they became one of the most common household pets with many stores from the original fad reopening to sell dedicated bitty products. Their quick evolution sparked a fierce debate as to whether or not they had basic human rights, however their childish nature and dependency remained the biggest obstacle for such rights.

Either way you made your money from breeding and training bitties for more specialized positions, seeing eye bitties were sorely needed, and you very specifically offered special deals for disabled children of struggling families. You yourself previously had a beloved Chain bitty that went with you everywhere. Bitties were some of the easiest to train simply taking advantage of the “programmable” nature of bitties to made the process easiest.

As for your interest in Bud, despite the fact that bitties could reproduce now, it was still rather difficult to find one that could reproduce in captivity. Which was why this new bitty was so interesting to you. It looked as if his clutch would be one of the biggest you’d ever seen, furthermore this was his first.

Grinning down at the pregnant lamia you brought him closer to you. “Yes, I’m your new mommy.” You stated a genuine loving smile gracing your lips, watching as the lamia’s eyes widened in wonder. Quickly the sniveling pygmy erupted into chatter, tears no longer streaming down its face. You listened to his mindless chatter, stunned by how quickly it had gotten over his previous “mommy.” You’d been prepared to spend a long time bonding with him in an attempt to form at least some trust.

“You’re not upset anymore?” You asked carefully, taking your hand and moving the lamia’s skull in your hand and moving it side to side to examine the flowers on his skull.

A sad look crossed the baby blues face “I’m still sad, but I know you’ll take care of me. After all, I am the greatest. Mwehehe.” He laughed, looking at you confidently.

Shaking your head in disbelief at the pygmy’s answer you started walking towards the bathroom, making a decision to get the pregnant lamia cleaned up before continuing. You continued asking the pygmy simple questions, such as what his favorite food was, his favorite music, what he liked to read. Unsurprisingly many of the questions were the standard pygmy responses, the same answers you’d heard from countless pygmies.

His excited chatter didn't stop at all, and you really weren't the talking type so you let him speak, while you cleaned him up. Although your annoyance at the repeated phrase of “Mwehehe” grew as the bath went on.

After the little guys bath you didn't immediately give him clothes, you had to search for clothes that would fit his pregnant frame, the size of this lamia’s clutch was decidedly incredibly huge simply due to the fact that it was even distending his belly and not just limiting itself to his tail. You really couldn't wait for him to give birth to his clutch, after all properly trained lamia bitties were worth quite a pretty penny. Furthermore it was clear that you would have to wait to start the baby blue’s training after he gave birth.

However many problems arose after the first greeting, ones that you’d never had with previous pygmies.

You thought that you could let him roam for a bit to get used to his new surroundings, but quickly it became apparent “just” how misbehaved this bitty was.

He did not stop talking, not an entirely unusual trait for pygmies, but he always spoke over you, interrupting your sentences when you did decide to speak, and getting upset if you talked for even a little bit longer than normal. You corrected him a lot, scolding him for interrupting you, and giving him time outs when he refused to stop. However none of it seemed to help, and unfortunately corporal punishment was simply off the table as long as he was pregnant.

He peed everywhere, really it was quite astonishing how resolute he was in “not” using the bitty toilet. You tried asking him why he didn't like using the toilet only to be given what the bitty thought was a “cute” laugh.

“Mwehehe. Awww, I didn't mean to mommy it was an accident!” Or “The bathrooms just so far away, carry me mommy!” And even. “But then I would have to stop having fun!”

Despite your best attempts at trying to convince Bud to use the bathroom in the bitty house, it became apparent that he simply enjoyed “marking” a trait typical of stray bitties.After about 5 days you ended up having to discard the bitty house you had for him, and instead moved him to an easily cleanable enclosure you usually kept baby bitties in. Which led to your next problems.

He threw tantrums. Phrases such as “MOMMY IS THE WORST!!!” or “I HATE YOU MOMMY!” and even “GIVE IT TO ME!” Were common.

He would throw himself onto the floor wailing and crying, and when you tried to approach to calm him down he would often bite, scratch, and hit you in his tantrums. He seemed to know just how much you were holding back on punishing him because of his pregnant status and seemed to take pleasure in pushing the boundaries of your tolerance.

Furthermore, he was an escape artist. If you had to leave for even a moment you would typically leave him with plenty of activities that he would enjoy, puzzles, coloring books, mini i-pads, and lots of books. In spite of this he seemed to find escaping to be the best puzzle and short of duct taping a lid over his enclosure would result in him finding a way to escape, usually to try and cause trouble in what he thought was a “cute” or “helpful” way. He would try and do your dishes, usually as an apology for throwing a tantrum, breaking most of them or using dangerous chemicals in cleaning. He would try and cook, usually setting something on fire as a result. He would draw all over books, using markers, and pens on books and ripping out pages to make hats and swords. Usually ones he would proudly give to you saying “Mommy I made this for you.” You found yourself having to hold back your anger in attempting to explain just how bad the things he was doing were, but he was incredibly petulant, refusing to admit mistakes and seeming to get stuck in a loop of typical responses.

He was a horrible prankster, or rather, his pranks were dangerous and destructive. He liked to set “traps” up that would oftentimes lead to nasty falls and deep cuts. He blubbered whenever he saw you get hurt, but would usually follow up with blaming you in childish petulant tones, rather than being sorry for setting up dangerous “pranks.”

There was even one instance in which he left you crying for a solid hour. He had somehow gotten a hold of your previous Chain bitties dust, and dumped it out the window, exclaiming proudly to himself. “Mwehehe! I’ve given him a proper funeral! You can rest easy Sir Clementine!”

Perhaps that instant is when you’d truly gotten fed up with him, as while you were crying into the empty urn he simply couldn't understand your grief and in response tried to be what he thought was “comforting.”

“Mwe, Mommy don’t be sad! It was bad to keep him in a jar! He had to be free!”

You’d managed to hold your anger and grief at that moment, but your resistance to him couldn't last for long, as after weeks of torment he finally did something that caused you to snap.

“Mommy! Drugs are bad, I got rid of them for you! Mwehehe” He exclaimed, grinning at your stunned look. Proudly leaning over the toilet as he flushed your medication. At least five bottles of medication with birth control packet littering the floor. Four of which bottles contained your medicine for a deadly congenital condition.

Your face paled as you saw the pills going down the drain, dread at how you might not make it through the week and anger at his incredibly thoughtless action. Your mind stalled and the proud grin of the pygmy seared itself into your mind. It was as if all the torment he’d subjected you to in the past 4 weeks came flooding back to you, the forefront of which was your beloved Chain bitties dust. You nearly bashed him into the door, before an icy calm feeling flooded your mind and suddenly a chilling plan flew into your mind.

“Bud… Do you know what you just did?” You asked calmly, staring at the gigantic form of the pregnant bitty. He was undoubtedly ready to give birth any day now.

Bud grinned at you placing a fist proudly on his chest. “I, the great Bud! Have saved you from the evils of drugs! You don’t have to worry I will help you through this terrible time!” He stated, causing your eyebrow to twitch involuntary. Slowly inching forwards you shook your head.

“No Bud, what you did was very bad. Mommy needed those “drugs” you got rid of.” You said quietly, causing Bud to falter, but ultimately double down on his actions, completely sure that he could do no wrong.

“No! They were drugs, and all drugs are bad! That's what daddy used to say! But you don't have to worry momma! I’ll make sure they can’t hurt you anymore!” He exclaimed looking at you with stars in his eyes.

Rubbing your eyes you felt a headache coming on, as you walked forward to pick up the bottles and trash that Bud had dropped to the floor. Luckily it seemed like he was careless and had dropped enough pills that you could last for a few days while you sorted out getting more.

“My doctor gave me these Bud.” You said, watching a look of uncertainty cross Bud’s face. “Drugs given by a doctor aren’t bad. They’re actually very good. They’re medicine.” You explained, picking up the remaining pills on the floor and putting them in their corresponding bottle. “In fact four of these bottles had medicine that keep mommy healthy.”

“Mweh?” Bud said, looking very confused. “But daddy sai-”

“ENOUGH!” You shouted, slamming the bottles onto the bathroom counter with a resounding bang. Bud flinched at this, looking at you with fright.

“I can’t believe how selfish you are!” You bellowed, quickly grabbing Bud by the tail and whipping him in front of your face. He tried to talk over you but you were simply too overbearing.

“I’ve tolerated your behavior up until now! Mostly because of your clutch! BUT THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!” You shouted, shaking Bud violently in your hands, causing him to cry out in pain.

“MOMMY YOU’RE HURTING ME!!!” He shouted, tears starting to form in his eyes, and a putrid stench emanating from him as a blue liquid dribbled down his tail running over your hand and his face on its journey to the floor.

“UGH!” You shouted, thoroughly disgusted that he would piss on you. Quickly flinging him into the toilet and shoving the lid shut. You planted your foot firmly on the toilet as you contorted yourself to wash your hands. Splashing, crying, and weak pushes came from under your foot as you ran the water. You sat glowering at the toilet once you were done.

You had so many calls to make and certainty weren't in the mood to deal with him so you quickly ran out of the bathroom and grabbed a roll of duct tape. Returning to the toilet only to see Bud gasping as he attempted to climb over the toilet seat onto the floor.

Sneering you grabbed Bud’s skull pushing him right back into the toilet, holding the lid shut as you taped it closed. Preventing him from escaping. You heavily sat down on the seat afterwards, putting your face in your hands and screaming into them, pointedly ignoring the plea’s that came from the toilet.

It took awhile for you to calm down enough to think about what needed to be done. You couldn't let Bud’s, misbehavior continue for any longer. Hell you could barely look at him anymore. You had wanted to wait for a natural birth but it didn't look like that was possible anymore. Taking a deep breath you grabbed your phone, and the nearly empty bottles of medicine, first thing was first, you needed refills. Bud was one thing, but this, this was a matter of life and death for you.

----

A few phone calls, and a trip to the doctors brought you home with a week's supply of three of your pills. You would have to sort out the details of the fourth with your insurance company, and most likely would have to visit the pharmacy every day at noon to get your dosage for the day of the fourth in the meantime.

It took quite a while of mental preparation but eventually, you made your way back into the bathroom to finally let Bud out of the toilet. Taking a deep breath, you ripped the duct tape off the toilet, slowly opening the lid, to see and smell a sorry sight.

Bud looked absolutely despondent, as he sat in the water of the toilet, a deep blue colour swirling all around him, as a few glops of feces floated around him too. He looked up at you with fear, and hope in his eyes, reaching out his hands to be picked up.

“Mommy why did you leave me!” He asked, causing you to roll your eyes, anger and disgust flashing in your eyes.

“Save it!” You stated, pulling out a box of floss from your medicine cabinet and holding a long thread over the toilet. “Hold on to this, we’re going to clean you up.” You sneered, watching Bud all but ignore the string as he struggled to leave the toilet, tears starting to run down his face. “Mommy up!” He demanded, holding his filthy digits out to you, he looked on the verge of a tantrum, one you wouldnt be tolerating.

“Where do you think you’re going?” You asked, glaring at the now confused bitty.

“We’re going to the bathtub right?” He said, looking even more confused, but even more insistently pushing his arms up in a gesture of “up.”

You laughed at him coldly. “HA! You think a bitty as awful as you get to have a nice hot bath? Fat chance!” You stated, wiggling the string to get his attention. “Hold onto the string.” You started again, before closing the lid of the toilet again, and pushing the flush valve.

“MOMMY!” Bud cried out alarmed and frightened by the sudden action. The string suddenly pulled tight against your hand. “MOMMY HELP ME!” You heard again, as he strained against the lid.

“We’re cleaning up a piece of shit” You said coldly, all love and tolerance for this bitty having dissolved the moment he dumped your Chains ashes. “Maybe if we’re lucky it’ll be better once we’re done?”

“NO MOMMY! MO*Gasp* MMY! MO *gasp gurgle* MMY! MOOOO*gasp, gurgle*OOOOMMMY!*gurgle*” Bud cried desperately, frequently getting a mouthful of water as he strained to escape. He did manage to lift the lid and poke his head out desperately during the process, only to have his head shoved back in and you sit on the lid. His cries continued, even after about 5 flushes, before you finally let him out.

He wasn't much cleaner after the process, only shivering, and waterlogged, but a large portion of piss was washed away. He looked at you with a betrayed look.

“Mommy why?” He asked pitifully as you reached down with a gloved hand to pick him up.

“You know why.” You clipped out, grimacing as he started to snivel and desperately cling to your hand.

“Mommy please I promise I’ll be good, I prooooomise! Don’t flush meeeeeeeee.” He wailed, causing you to fling him into the sink with a wet thud. He wailed harder, really you were more surprised that he hadn't given birth yet, you were trying so hard after all. It looked like you’d need more stimulus to force his labour.

“You’ve promised me that so many times, I don't believe you.” Really it wasn’t a lie, after every tantrum, mistake, and pissing he would always promise the same thing. You had never really believed him, he would never change on his own, but his pregnant state had prevented you from stressing him too much. Now it just didn't matter, the clutch was coming today whether he was ready or not, and after that, well if you just trained him instead of dusting him he would be incredibly lucky.

Bud looked shocked at your response, as if he’d never considered that you wouldn't forgive him. He didn't have a lot of responses though so he continued to snivel, sprinkling in pretty words to try and sway you.

“But I love you mommy! And I know you love me too! Please mommy forgive me!” He blubbered, not seeming to notice when you turned on the sink.

Ignoring his attempts, you got out a pair of scissors, cutting his clothes off, making extra sure to destroy his favorite blue neckerchief. Of course he wailed and flailed trying to get you to stop, but in the long run he only managed to get you to accidentally cut a piece of his tail off.

“AHHHHHHH!!!!!” He screamed, much to your annoyance.

“Well it's your own damn fault for struggling so much!” You screamed, violently ripping the remains of his shredded clothes off his body. His wails didn't stop.

“MOMMY IT HURTS!!!!” You were getting so sick of his screams, so much so that instead of responding, you balled his remaining clothes up and stuck them in his wailing mouth. Earning a muffled scream.

His tears came back in full force, as he clutched at the dusting flesh of his tail, what looked like blood congealed over the cut, the bits that dripped off turning to dust. Grimacing at the sight you reached for a bottle of soap on the counter, generously lathering the baby blue’s engorged form. Then none to gently rubbed the soap into his wound, earning a long muffled scream from Bud. Really the relative silence was a blessing for you, furthermore you didn't even have to worry about him destroying something again because he was right in front of you.

He tried to push your hands away, but it wasn't good enough, so instead he tried to remove the cloth from his mouth. Clawing desperately at the piss soaked clothes, gagging noises coming from his form. Just as he was about to wrench the cloth free however, you savagely shoved him under the ice cold water that had finally reached a high enough point in the sink. You held him there for a good while watching as he flailed desperately against your hand. Bringing him back up you were amused at his attempts to cough, watching him choke against the cloth instead. You waited for the moment just before he caught his breath to shove him back under. Making sure that all of the soap was off of him before bringing him back up again.

His heaves and cries, gave way to more shudders, as you finally saw your desired effect. His clutch was coming.

Grinning wildly to yourself you gripped him around his torso, holding him up to your face.

“It's about damn time, I can't believe you made me wait so long for this.” You stated, quickly wrapping him up in a towel and shuffling him out to the pre-prepared birthing room you’d made just for him. The change in demeanor was quite shocking, and Bud was thrown for a loop when you suddenly started cradling him and cooing about how good he was.

“Awww let me take that out for you.” You stated in the kindest voice you could choke out, restraining yourself from torturing the little shit more. You might have needed to stress him out to get him to go into labor, but now, now you needed him less stressed. You gently removed the cloth from his mouth, throwing the bundle into the trash and gently stroking the pygmies back as shudders wracked through his body.

“Mommy? Mommy it hurts? Did you do this?” He asked, warily looking at you, as you set him down in a soft nest of blankets he himself had prepared during his nesting phase.

“Sweety you’re giving birth! You’re gonna be a mother.” You said, mustering as much enthusiasm as you could. You sounded incredibly forced, but the stupid pygmy didnt notice, because instead of being angry, he grew excited eyes beginning to sparkle, the stupid thing had already forgotten the torture he’d suffered. You were astonished how quickly his demeanor changed, but pushed that thought aside when his body was wracked with more shudders. YOu let him slither deeper into the nest of blankets, letting out coo’s and praises as he slowly started pushing out the first of many eggs.

---

It took nearly a whole night for Bud to finish his birth, many times you needed to feed him monster candy to help heal some damage the larger eggs did on his body. The first clutch a bitty produced was never usually viable, so you were pleasantly surprised to find that most of his eggs were intact. Bud was fast asleep, curled around his staggering clutch of 36 eggs. You were even more surprised just how many eggs he’d yielded. Your previous brood mother’s record was 15, Bud’s clutch was nearly the maximum most Lamia’s were known for producing.

Alas your surprise could only stay for so long, and the searing hatred you felt for the lamia came back in full force. Staring disdainfully at Bud, you started really debating the pro’s and cons of keeping such a troublesome bitty. You knew how profitable he was, but was he really worth it, could you really stand to look at him after what he’d done? What he’d done was similar to what edgies were known to do, but with edgies, you’d at least had the ability to “prepare.”

The answer eventually came out to no, and with that revelation you very quickly, very quietly moved all the viable eggs to an incubator, leaving about 6 deformed and cracked eggs in front of the bitty.

Eventually the pygmy stirred, looking in front of him, quickly becoming distressed as the sight of only 6 eggs, he started wailing again much to your annoyance, shouting out. “Mommy my eggs! My eggs are gone!”

Rolling your eyes you grabbed him by the tail, picking him up, then picking up one of the deformed eggs and making sure to wave it in front of his face. “You want your eggs so bad. Here.” You said, before shoving the deformed egg into his mouth.

Shock and panic flashed across his face, as he tried to stop your hands, but you were too strong for him, and despite his resistance you eventually made him swallow it.

He choked and sobbed, trying to reach into his own mouth for the egg, but you didn't give him that long, as you grabbed another and repeated the process. He flailed harder, trying to bite you, and he even drew blood, but you really didn't care. Standing you held onto him in a crushing grip, breaking a rib or two in the process, searching around for a roll of duct tape, you eventually found one and sat back down next to the remaining eggs.

“You know I really should just feed them all to you.” You stated, watching the pygmy as he cried and begged. “NO MOMMY PLEASE! PLEASE DON’T KILL THEM!!! I LOVE YOU!!!” You narrowed your eyes at his pleas, before a cold smirk graced your lips. “But you said you wanted your eggs… Could it be that you want to give birth again?” You chuckled not letting him respond, before you taped him down, making sure to have his limbs spread out and tail held firmly still.

He wailed more. “Mommy I don’t like this, please let me go! I have to find my eggs!”

“Don’t worry Bud I’m giving you your eggs.” You stated, before picking up one of the remaining 4 deformed eggs and shoving it slowly, painfulling, back into Bud’s cloaca.

His screams were incredibly loud, louder than any he’d done before, he tried very hard to struggle, but with the duct tape holding him in place he couldn't resist. The egg ended up breaking and leaving a goopy mess all over the place, causing you to frown and chide Bud. “That's no good sweetie, your struggling broke it. We’ll have to try again.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” He screamed, as you started to push another egg up his cloaca, this one did manage to go in, but the shivers wracking the bitties body didn't spell anything good, the edges of his cloaca were beginning to dust, goop and shell bits leaked from the orifice. Bud had stopped communicating, only sobbing uncontrollable. You didn’t stop though, you grabbed another egg and repeated the process, becoming a little satisfied with yourself when it didn't break once inside.

There was one more egg left and you planned to do the same thing with it, but first.

“Do you know why this is happening?” You asked, watching as Bud shivered and stared at you with tear filled sockets. He shook his head. “N-n-n-n-nnnooooooooo!” He shouted.

“I don't know why you would do this to me mommy! I love you! You love me too!” He stammered, asserting the last bit with such certainty that it made your stomach roll.

“Idiot, I don’t love you, I just wanted your clutch.” You stated, before carefully shoving the last egg into his cloaca. You managed to firmly fit it in there, before grabbing more duct tape and covering his cloaca. After a moment of just watching him squirm and struggle to push the eggs out again, you firmly grabbed his torso, and violently ripped him up from the floor.

The duct tape was firm enough on the ground that it kept his arms and tail on the ground as you ripped upwards, detaching his torso and head from his arms and tail. Immediately he burst into dust, a few bits of egg shell remaining in the mess.

Staring down at the mess you made, you wrly thought to yourself.

“I suppose I’ll just have to tell your old family you died giving birth.”

#bittybones abuse #bittybones torture #egg smashing #yummy eggs #pychological torture #bitty death #only a single possibility in the infinite multiverse #worldbuilding #water torture #egg laying #pygmy lamia

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imagine-loki · 4 years ago

Text

Stubborn Independence

TITLE: Stubborn Independence

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 5/10

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine Loki struggling to adjust to someone who is independent and insists on paying for themselves all the time, even if it is a struggle sometimes. They need to do everything on their own. They never ask for help and refuse help. Just imagine Loki really wanting to spoil this person. Imagine how creative he would get to make life easier on this person who has captivated him.

Imagine being a talented singer at your local club. Loki comes in one night with Thor and the others (he’d rather be anywhere else but who turns down free drinks?) and gets ensnared in the voice of the beautiful singer on stage. Suddenly, his interest (and arousal) are more than piqued.

Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach?

AUTHOR’S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin’s company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki’s plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

~ ~ ENJOY ~ ~

Loki let Sirena drive her own car while she talked excitedly about how well she was doing at Whispering Waters. Apparently the manager was considering having her perform every friday night, waitress the other times, and was going to pay her a small amount and let her keep the tips.

“How cool is that though? I mean I would be able to get my name out there.”

Loki could not stop the smile pulling his lips. “You are very gifted.”

“Thanks. It’s not… I guess it isn’t so much of getting my name known, I just like to see when people hear music. Music is proven to change or elevate moods. Its why I am in the musical therapy major.”

“When do your mock classes start?”

“Next week. Frigga stated there are some people really interested in the little class.”

Loki watched as Sirena parked in front of a grocery store.

She gave Loki a big smile. “Object of this game is to get snacks to eat in the car. Now go. Gogogog!"

Sirena hurried out of the car and Loki felt rushed to do it too.

She started laughing as the car locked and ran to the entrance.

Loki easily caught up to her then opened the door. At Sirena’s look he walked in and shut the door so she had to open it herself.

"What the hell?” She laughed as she tried to be the intimidating fireball she was.

Loki smirked, “Everyone keeps telling me to let you do stuff yourself.”

“Well yeah. But did you need to make sure the door shut?”

“It would have been considered helping.”

Sirena tapped Loki’s arm with a small smile then pulled him along towards the snack isle.

Sirena was picking granola bars and some chips. “So get anything you can easily eat in the car.”

“Where are we going to go?”

Sirena snickered. “Depends on when you have your next scheduled alarm.”

Loki grumbled, “touche.”

Loki picked out a few things but were mostly candy. After purchasing their own things they went to the car.

“With all those sweets you are going to get a cavity. Clint would yell at me all the time about what I would eat because he knows I want to loose weight and be more healthy. He watches out for me.” Sirena took a bite of her granola bar.

“He does seem a bit…” Loki hesitated for the right word.

“Intimidating? Yeah he got the whole older brother thing about him.”

Loki immediately asked, “Brother? So you two aren’t dating?”

Sirena forced a gag and muttered “ew” several times. “No we aren’t dating. We knew each other from high school. He looked out for me because I would always get myself in trouble with people. I was too nice and people took advantage of me. He would scare people away from me.”

“He was trying to scare me away then?”

Sirena shrugged her shoulders. “Clint is an ass but yeah. He is a great guy. He is just pushing your buttons to see if you are good for me to…talk to.”

Loki had to be cheeky. “Am i good company?”

Sirena teased. “I think so.”

Loki laughed at his own question. “Was this planned out?”

Sirena pouted, “Probably. Clint is good at seeing things from way outside the picture so he is good at placing things where they are supposed to be.”

Loki fiddled with a piece of candy. “Where does he want us?”

“Beside each other.”

“You are being vague.”

“Vague? Why is there more information you are searching for?” Sirena teased.

“Just wondering if there is more to this… How did you put it..? Beside each other, Like this, in this car discussing his master painting over snacks…”

“maybe this is part of his plans..” Sirena glances at Loki’s lips as she leans slightly.

Loki starts to lean in as well.

The kiss was short, sweet, and it made Loki happy to see her smile once the short kiss was over.

Loki smirked with a tilt of his head, “so do I ask you out or do you want to ask me?”

Sirena grinned, “I initiated the kiss, so I asked.”

Loki shrugged. “Fair enough. So do I get to take you out for dinner?”

Sirena seemed hesitant. “We can do our Q and A right here.”

“Do you actually have insurance on your phone?” It was the first question Loki came up with.

Sirena laughed, “that question is what you open up with?”

Loki nodded with a smirk.

She sighed before answering. “Yes I do. They won’t send me a new one because I dropped the phone. Something stupid about it not being the device that stopped working and it was my fault.. But it still works and I am not worried about it.”

“Alright. But everytime you show me pictures on your phone I really want to get you a new one so I can see your pictures better.”

“You are not the first person to complain about my phone for that reason.”

“Why not get a new phone?”

“I am worried about losing my pictures.”

Loki beamed. “I could help with that. Its very easy to do that. I move files all the time for work.”

“Maybe. Enthusiastic helper.”

Loki thought for a second. “I could teach you how to save stuff and put it all on a micro SD card or back everything up to the cloud.”

Sirena looked confused. “That was all over my head. I have no idea how electronics work. I can text, call, and set alarms.”

Loki tried not to laugh but a few chuckles escaped.

“Oh come on dont laugh at me!”

Loki couldn’t help but laugh at her pout and the embarrassment inside her voice.

“I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Whatever. So there is an intersection coming up… left, right, or straight?”

Loki asked. “Really? Okay straight.”

And that was the game for the night until they needed to get back to campus.

Loki and Sirena spent more time together and Clint seemed to be warming up to Loki more. There were still threats of bodily harm if Loki “ever hurt her and I will make sure you suffer too."

Loki genuinely promised Clint he would never hurt Sirena.

Loki found himself on a new schedule and Sirena didn’t mind much of his alarms because she saw how anxious he was without some daily structure. However she convinced him into a deal; he could pay for one meal a week, and on certain days she had control of what they would do with their free time. Loki had to admit he enjoyed new experiences -especially with Sirena because she is always pleasant to be around.

Sirena never let Loki pay for anything and if he did it was an ear full and she would go buy him something if he wouldn’t take the money.

He tried to get creative by leaving a little money where she would find it, but she gave it away.

Loki went so far as to order things online, have them shipped to her mailbox as an "accidental delivery.” Despite the company saying to keep it she would send it back or find someone else who would use it.

Then Sirena got assigned a paper to write and was stressed out about getting it done because it was on a book she just didn’t understand. She found school just as important as Loki did, so homework would carve into their time together. Loki offered his help and she actually accepted it. Loki’s skills at analytical reading were useful and Sirena would get Loki his favorite drink and snacks as thanks for each study session.

They would work on homework together; at first they were alone and then they had a study group with the rest of their friends. Loki invested in a personal laptop so he could program while others worked and it didn’t take long to make some friends in the computer programming department too. Friends such as, Tony and Bruce.

During a study group Sirena announced she would be in a few of the art classes soon.

Fandral teased, “I am sure Loki is going to love it.”

Sirena glared at Fandral. “It is very professional. There will be no suggestive atmosphere.”

A few days later, Loki was in his art class and felt a little nervous as Sirena came in. Sirena discussed with Loki alone about how the class would go and how if anyone steps out of line the teacher would handle it.

It still did nothing to comfort him once she was on the podium in the plain undergarments she once explained. Everyone was on best behavior in the class which made it easier that way, but Loki’s hands sweat so much he had to keep readjusting the drawing utensils. They were never intimate other than kisses, hugs, and hand holding but now he saw the curves of her body and was memorizing them onto paper.

Not at all troubling.

#Loki #Lover #Angst #God of Mischief #Others #Submitted fic #submission #stubborn independence #chapter 5 #brightsun-and-darkmidnight

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brightsun-and-darkmidnight · 4 years ago

Text

Stubborn Independence

TITLE: Stubborn Independence

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 5/10

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach?

AUTHOR'S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin's company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki's plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

Tags: @cateyes315

~ ~ ENJOY ~ ~

"How cool is that though? I mean I would be able to get my name out there."

Loki could not stop the smile pulling his lips. "You are very gifted."

"Thanks. It's not… I guess it isn't so much of getting my name known, I just like to see when people hear music. Music is proven to change or elevate moods. Its why I am in the musical therapy major."

"When do your mock classes start?"

"Next week. Frigga stated there are some people really interested in the little class."

Loki watched as Sirena parked in front of a grocery store.

She gave Loki a big smile. "Object of this game is to get snacks to eat in the car. Now go. Gogogog!"

Sirena hurried out of the car and Loki felt rushed to do it too.

She started laughing as the car locked and ran to the entrance.

Loki easily caught up to her then opened the door. At Sirena's look he walked in and shut the door so she had to open it herself.

"What the hell?" She laughed as she tried to be the intimidating fireball she was.

Loki smirked, "Everyone keeps telling me to let you do stuff yourself."

"Well yeah. But did you need to make sure the door shut?"

"It would have been considered helping."

Sirena tapped Loki's arm with a small smile then pulled him along towards the snack isle.

Sirena was picking granola bars and some chips. "So get anything you can easily eat in the car."

"Where are we going to go?"

Sirena snickered. "Depends on when you have your next scheduled alarm."

Loki grumbled, "touche."

Loki picked out a few things but were mostly candy. After purchasing their own things they went to the car.

"With all those sweets you are going to get a cavity. Clint would yell at me all the time about what I would eat because he knows I want to loose weight and be more healthy. He watches out for me." Sirena took a bite of her granola bar.

"He does seem a bit…" Loki hesitated for the right word.

"Intimidating? Yeah he got the whole older brother thing about him."

Loki immediately asked, "Brother? So you two aren't dating?"

Sirena forced a gag and muttered "ew" several times. "No we aren't dating. We knew each other from high school. He looked out for me because I would always get myself in trouble with people. I was too nice and people took advantage of me. He would scare people away from me."

"He was trying to scare me away then?"

Sirena shrugged her shoulders. "Clint is an ass but yeah. He is a great guy. He is just pushing your buttons to see if you are good for me to...talk to."

Loki had to be cheeky. "Am i good company?"

Sirena teased. "I think so."

Loki laughed at his own question. "Was this planned out?"

Sirena pouted, "Probably. Clint is good at seeing things from way outside the picture so he is good at placing things where they are supposed to be."

Loki fiddled with a piece of candy. "Where does he want us?"

"Beside each other."

"You are being vague."

"Vague? Why is there more information you are searching for?" Sirena teased.

"Just wondering if there is more to this... How did you put it..? Beside each other, Like this, in this car discussing his master painting over snacks…"

"maybe this is part of his plans.." Sirena glances at Loki's lips as she leans slightly.

Loki starts to lean in as well.

The kiss was short, sweet, and it made Loki happy to see her smile once the short kiss was over.

Loki smirked with a tilt of his head, "so do I ask you out or do you want to ask me?"

Sirena grinned, "I initiated the kiss, so I asked."

Loki shrugged. "Fair enough. So do I get to take you out for dinner?"

Sirena seemed hesitant. "We can do our Q and A right here."

"Do you actually have insurance on your phone?" It was the first question Loki came up with.

Sirena laughed, "that question is what you open up with?"

Loki nodded with a smirk.

She sighed before answering. "Yes I do. They won't send me a new one because I dropped the phone. Something stupid about it not being the device that stopped working and it was my fault.. But it still works and I am not worried about it."

"Alright. But everytime you show me pictures on your phone I really want to get you a new one so I can see your pictures better."

"You are not the first person to complain about my phone for that reason."

"Why not get a new phone?"

"I am worried about losing my pictures."

Loki beamed. "I could help with that. Its very easy to do that. I move files all the time for work."

"Maybe. Enthusiastic helper."

Loki thought for a second. "I could teach you how to save stuff and put it all on a micro SD card or back everything up to the cloud."

Sirena looked confused. "That was all over my head. I have no idea how electronics work. I can text, call, and set alarms."

Loki tried not to laugh but a few chuckles escaped.

"Oh come on dont laugh at me!"

Loki couldn't help but laugh at her pout and the embarrassment inside her voice.

"I didn't mean to offend."

"Whatever. So there is an intersection coming up… left, right, or straight?"

Loki asked. "Really? Okay straight."

And that was the game for the night until they needed to get back to campus.

Loki and Sirena spent more time together and Clint seemed to be warming up to Loki more. There were still threats of bodily harm if Loki "ever hurt her and I will make sure you suffer too."

Loki genuinely promised Clint he would never hurt Sirena.

Loki found himself on a new schedule and Sirena didn't mind much of his alarms because she saw how anxious he was without some daily structure. However she convinced him into a deal; he could pay for one meal a week, and on certain days she had control of what they would do with their free time. Loki had to admit he enjoyed new experiences -especially with Sirena because she is always pleasant to be around.

Sirena never let Loki pay for anything and if he did it was an ear full and she would go buy him something if he wouldn't take the money.

He tried to get creative by leaving a little money where she would find it, but she gave it away.

Loki went so far as to order things online, have them shipped to her mailbox as an "accidental delivery." Despite the company saying to keep it she would send it back or find someone else who would use it.

Then Sirena got assigned a paper to write and was stressed out about getting it done because it was on a book she just didn't understand. She found school just as important as Loki did, so homework would carve into their time together. Loki offered his help and she actually accepted it. Loki's skills at analytical reading were useful and Sirena would get Loki his favorite drink and snacks as thanks for each study session.

They would work on homework together; at first they were alone and then they had a study group with the rest of their friends. Loki invested in a personal laptop so he could program while others worked and it didn't take long to make some friends in the computer programming department too. Friends such as, Tony and Bruce.

During a study group Sirena announced she would be in a few of the art classes soon.

Fandral teased, "I am sure Loki is going to love it."

Sirena glared at Fandral. "It is very professional. There will be no suggestive atmosphere."

It still did nothing to comfort him once she was on the podium in the plain undergarments she once explained. Everyone was on best behavior in the class which made it easier that way, but Loki's hands sweat so much he had to keep readjusting the drawing utensils. They were never intimate other than kisses, hugs, and hand holding but now he saw the curves of her body and was memorizing them onto paper.

Not at all troubling.

#Stubborn Independence #chapter 5 #brightsun-and-darkmidnight #loki #college au

2 notes · View notes

lukeysgirl · 5 years ago

Text

swallow me whole | c.t.h pt. 2

synopsis: nasty calum hood smut w a decent storyline? pt 2: another party but on a cruise ship.

word count: 12k+

authors note: a long but good read, i pinkie swear! got a few lovies in my taglist, but i dont be doing tglists too much. i just wanna write and whoever gets to see it, sees it. enjoy! <3

part 1 here

PART 2 S O L I C I T A T I O N

The next mornings sun kindly kissed you awake.

An incredible warmth was bestowed upon your shoulder as you slightly turned over. You slowly began opening your eyes, subconsciously bringing your hands up to wipe away the dried tears. A yawn escapes your dry lips, forcing your body to sit up and lick them moist. Seeing as it was now daytime, you were pleasantly shocked at how nice the room truly looked.

It was a very modern looking room. White walls with black wood drawers and such things to compliment. You looked down to see that the sheets, too, were black and white. But they were silky smooth and catering to your skin, as you were enveloped in a comfy fantasy. But paintings were hung around the room to give the yin-yang room several splashes of color.

You also realized you were placed into the bed much properly compared to where you had went out cold last night. You looked over to the unoccupied space of the bed, wondering where Calum had gone. Turning over to the bedside table, you noticed that your phone sat nicely at the corner of it. Tapping it awake, it illuminate several notifications that you did not want to deal with.

“Nope,” you groaned, flipping the phone over so you could stretch. You reach for the sky, comforting your bones before removing the blanket from your warm body. But when you looked down at your legs, you crinkle your nose in disgust. Your dress and body was cum-stained, seeing as you essentially slept in hormones. “Fuck me...”

You look around once more, noticing that the door to the room was closed. Shrugging, you get on your feet and slowly peel the skimpy dress from your body. It was difficult, considering you needed someone elses help to put it on and take it off, but you managed. You then replace it with the blanket, covering your body while holding onto each ends of it. Wings, you thought to yourself with a smile.

The morning sun caught your attention, your feet treading lightly on the carpet. You walk over to the large glass wall, basking in the beauty of the city. It would seem dull to people who prefer the city in the night, but the beauty of it was not exclusively nocturnal. The day time, too, compliments how tall the skyscrapers truly were, and the Hudson River that ran through it all.

You suddenly heard the door open behind you, and a deep, “oh, you’re awake.” Turning around, you see a groggy Calum Hood stand at the doorway. He had still been in the outfit from last night, but his cock wasn’t out and about. His face looked better then when the two of you were at the bar, but he wasn’t smiling. You look down to see his hands offering a steaming mug. “I made you a cup of tea for your throat.”

You completely forgot about the two times he face fucked you. He walks over and hands it to you, in which to measly hold it with your blanket-covered hands, “thank you so much.” Brown eyes watch as you take a long swig of the tea. It was chamomile, and saccharine from what tasted like honey. It was just cool enough to drink and you smiled from the sensation.

“Better?” He asks softly.

You nod, “much, thank you.” Calum nods, giving you a small smile. You kept taking little sips, relieving your throat from its soreness. Calum looks over to see your dress sprawled on the floor, having him look over with a bit of concern.

“Did I ruin your dress?” He walks over and picks it up. “I’m so sorry.” You shake your head, attempting to convince him that it was nothing. “Let me find you some clothes to wear for the meantime. I’ll give you the money to get this washed properly-- it must be expensive.”

You watch the man disappear from the room as you continued to quietly sip your tea. He’s kind, you thought. That attitude you were introduced to when you met him was completely shadowed by his consideration. Calum Hood seemed like a nice guy, and he was pretty good in bed, too. His dominance took you aback, never having been in such a position.

A vanilla night isn’t bad, but what Calum had done to you was beyond words. The way he took control of you, and used your body to his liking while still pleasuring you was so sexy. His lips were like nicotine, and his body was enthralling. You just wanted more and more.

But you realized that this was probably a one-time thing, and you likely weren’t going to do anything else with him again. The thought made you pout, but you were glad you weren’t hooked. Liking someone would put a dent in your career. But you were sad to think that you’ll be remembering this for the rest of your life and he was going to forget all about you in hours.

Your sorrow thoughts came to a halt though when Calum returned to the room with hands full of things. He had a black towel, an outfit, and hygiene things. “I figured maybe you would like to take a shower?”

You smile, nodding graciously. You traded the empty mug for the morning bundle and held it happily. “You’re the nicest one-night I’ve ever met, thank you so much...” Calum frowned by your words but quickly regained himself. He held the mug a little more tightly.

“I’ll take this to the kitchen,” he muttered, “the bathroom is to the left of this room, you’ll see it.” You nod, watching wondrously as the man left the room and headed off to who knows where. You put the bundle down on the bed and slip off the blanket. You wouldn’t want to bring that whole thing into the bathroom with you.

Quickly, you grabbed your phone and rushed into the bathroom. Locking the door, you looked around to see how large the bathroom was. It was essentially the same amount of space as your entire apartment. Everything was of porcelain and granite, with metallic bathroom features such as the faucet and shower head. But the sink was just a flat rock, the shower could fit an entire bed, and there was a bath if you cared to use it.

You placed your bundle down on the sink and turned on the shower. You looked at yourself in the mirror and widened your eyes. Your makeup was somewhat in tact, with a bit of mascara dragged below your eyes. But what really caught your eye were all the hickeys ornate on your neck. You leaned it, lightly touching them with your fingers. There was even a bit of dried up cum on your collarbones from it dripping from your lips.

“Geez,” you sighed, shaking your head as you decide to distract yourself momentarily with your phone. Texts from Meri had spread like wildfire. She messaged you through iMessage, Twitter, Instagram, and even Facebook. You felt immensely bad for worrying her, as those texts were complimented by several missed calls.

You walk over to the shower, noticing a plastic holder that was meant to use your phone. Deciding to call her back, you put it on speaker and slip the phone in the protector. Two rings later, and you hear an abrupt, “Y/N!”

You cower, “hi, Meri...”

“Where the fuck are you?” Your best friend screamed through the phone. “I’m so fucking worried about you-- send me your location!”

“Meri, I’m fine, everything is okay!” You insisted, grabbing the bottle of body wash. You lather it all over your body, removing your upper body and thighs of the dried up cum. “I... hooked up with someone last night.”

“Yeah, I know!” She squealed, but didn’t seem as excited about it. “They figured out that it was you who went home with Calum Hood.”

Your eyes were wide, “how was that possible? I had my face covered the entire time he was escorting us out!”

“Yes but you didn’t have your face covered when I was escorting you in,” Meri explains with a sigh. You sucked your teeth, realizing her point. “They’re at my apartment looking for you.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.”

Fuck. You reach over for the plastic cap Calum provided you and covered your hair. Meri was already mad enough; you didn’t want her getting mad at you for ruining your hair. “I’m so sorry Meri, I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“I’m not upset, don’t worry about that,” Meri hums. “I’m just worried about you. Calum Hood is the bass player for 5 Seconds of Summer, if you didn’t know.” 5 Seconds of Summer?

“All he told me was that he was a bass player of a band,” you informed her as you washed away the Old Spice body wash. “Are they a big band?”

“I’ve played several songs of theirs before, Y/N,” Meri begins. “Do you not pay attention?” You deny recalling anything because you genuinely can’t remember. “Y/N, they’re a boyband. Their following is mainly a bunch of young girls whose ovaries pop for them.”

You chuckle at her words but knew she had been serious. “I didn’t intend to hook up with anyone. But you were busy and you know I don’t talk with other celebrities. He just sort of showed up and we had a good conversation.”

“I know babe, I’m not mad,” Meri coos softly. She had always been so understanding, and you knew a small smile had spread on her lips. “He’s a chill guy, we’ve talked a few times before.”

You agreed, “he was very considerate. He brought me tea this morning and lent me his bathroom.”

“No wonder why you sound so weird!” Meri exclaimed. You giggled, “so... was he good?” Her voice suddenly calmed down and had been full of curiosity. You felt your cheeks flush, the shower steam making it worse.

“He’s... really good,” you emit quietly. “I’ve never been with anyone like him.”

“He’s a top, for sure,” Meri predicted, “he gives off that Christian Grey vibe, doesn’t he?” You have no idea... “Did he hang you from the ceiling or something?”

“Jesus Christ, Meri, no!” You waved at the phone. “He isn’t that perverted I don’t think.” As you washed yourself, you patted your chest and realized that Calum didn’t touch them. “He didn’t touch my chest at all last night.”

“Really?” Meri sounded just as confused. You cupped your breasts in self-consciousness. “I don’t know how he could resist them; they’re so cute!” You blushed, giving them a reassuring pat.

“Maybe he isn’t a boob guy,” you put the idea out there. “He liked my butt more than my boobies.” Meri giggles.

“Fuck it; he would have had too much fun with them anyways.” Meri was always great in reassuring you and regaining your confidence. “Anyways, send me your location so I can send someone to pick you up.”

“It’s okay, I’ll take the subway back to yours,” you insisted. “You aren’t too far anyways.” You turn off the shower and reach for the towel. “Plus, nobody knows where he lives so I don’t want to just out his address like that.”

“Well aren’t you sweet?” Meri boasted with a sugary tongue. “Fair enough. I’ll see you soon, okay? Make sure you eat something.”

“Mm, I will, mom,” you agreed as you dabbed your body dry. “See you soon, love you.”

“Love you too!”

The call ends and you reach in to take your phone out. You felt like a brand new woman, with your skin emanating the smell of man. Giggling at this, you put the phone on the sink and finish drying yourself. You pull off the shower cap from your head as well. You noticed that Calum also provided a brand new stick of male deodorant. It was sweet of him to let you use one of his new sticks, even though you were going to smell just like him now.

You lift up the shirt he provided you and looked at it. It was a large black dress shirt. Which was the worst choice, considering how sunny and warm it was out. But nonetheless, you appreciated the kindness and buttoned it up. It was big, but you managed to make it fit. You then pick up a pair of boxers that you were pretty sure he accidentally shrunk. It hugged your body kindly and you felt comfortable. He provided a pair of sweats as well but you were pretty warm from the hot shower you just took.

After brushing your teeth, you the bathroom with your things and walk back into the bedroom. You place everything on the bed to tackle one thing at a time. You hung the towel from one of the hooks behind his door and placed the hygiene things as well as the sweatpants on his bedside table. You also took it upon yourself to do his bed as gratitude for his kindness.

After doing all of that, you grab your phone, your dirtied panties, and your shoes and head out the room in search for Calum. The daytime gave you the opportunity to notice how lovely his apartment was. It was clean and ornate with photos of him and people you could recognize. Actors and musicians would smile pleasantly with him, allowing you to safely assume that he’s had a good time.

Your feet carefully walk on the polished wood, admiring the simplicity that was his apartment. He clearly didn’t care to fill it much. You find yourself out of the hall and into the living room. It was huge, but a voice beckoned you over to give it much of a look.

“Oh hey, you’re done,” Calum hummed. He was in the kitchen, with a spoon in one hand and a frying pan in the other. “Come come. Take a seat.” He glances back to gesture at the seats by the kitchen island. You take the offer and place your things on the chair beside you. Your thighs flourish in goosebumps when your skin touched the cool wood of the seat.

“Your bathroom is very pretty by the way,” you begin quietly. “I’m jealous.”

“You think so?” Calum took the compliment with a smile. “Did you have a good shower?” He steals looks over to you to see you nod. “I’m glad. Pressure is good?”

“It was perfect, I promise,” you insisted, tapping your phone with the tip of your fake nails. You hear the sizzling of the pan, which made you curious. “Is that bacon I smell?”

“Mm, you like bacon?” Calum glances back and smiles teasingly. “You can have as many as you’d like.”

“I’ll just have a strip or two,” you downplay quietly. You then shyly look away, tapping on the granite tabletop. “Or five.” Calum chuckles at your silliness, and continued to cook. He decided on a simple breakfast of bacon, toast, and scrambled eggs. Only because he didn’t have too much food in the fridge, considering he was always eating out.

“I really only eat breakfast anyways,” he explains. He shuts off the stove and places a full plate before you. You watch him place another plate across from you and head back to grab two glass cups and a pitcher full of orange juice. “We have apple juice and water if you don’t like orange juice.”

“I’m not picky,” you insist. He smiles at you as you immediately dig in and take a bite of the toast. “This is the nicest breakfast I’ve had in a while so I appreciate it.” Calum places the two cups down and serves you a glass.

“I take it you don’t eat much for breakfast?”

“More like I don’t have the time for breakfast,” you admit sheepishly. “With school and work, I don’t really think much about it. I just brew a quick cup of coffee and I’ll be on my way.”

Calum hums in comprehension. “So what about the weekends? You seem to have enough time right now.”

“Well, I already finished all my homework and I have most weekends off,” you informed him. You stab a few pieces of egg and put it in your mouth. You chew quickly to continue talking, “and I didn’t have to make it this time so yeah, I have a pretty good amount of time on my hands.”

He smirks at your words and nods. “By the way, I didn’t know you were Merigold’s plus one.” You nodded. “I should have known; you two give off the same nice and down-to-earth vibe.”

“We get that a lot,” you say while taking another bite of bacon. “But she’s much prettier than me.” Calum snorts, causing you to furrow your brows. “Something funny, Calum?”

“The fact that you think she’s prettier than you,” Calum begins quietly. His eyes stay on the plate, barely moving the pieces of egg with his fork. “It’s just a little funny.”

“But she is.”

Calum crinkled his nose and shook his head, “nah. Merigold is beautiful; nobody can deny she’s not.” He then lifts his head up, those deep brown eyes shooting arrows directly at your heart. “But she isn’t as gorgeous as you.”

You roll your eyes, “you’re just saying that to be nice.” Calum shrugs while continuing to dig in. Your heart is absolutely racing now, the compliment making you think more than ever. He thinks I’m gorgeous? More so than Meri? He must be joking.

After the delicious breakfast and the bit of chitchat, you took it upon yourself to help Calum clean the dishes. “You really don’t need to,” he tried to stop you but you were relentless and continued to clean the plates. It allowed Calum to finish the cycle of the laundry and put them in the dryer.

“By the way,” Calum started as he came from the laundry room of his house, “I took it upon myself to wash your dress.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” you turned over, clearly in shock of his kindness. “I could have gone to the laundromat and done it myself.”

“Well, you’re doing my dishes so I guess we’re even,” Calum gave you a wink before returning to set up the dryer. You blushed. This one night stand was straight out of a fantasy book written for middle-aged women.

As you’re finishing up, you grab a towel to dry your wrinkled fingers. You turn to look for Calum, who walked back into the room slowly. He had a bundle of papers in his hand, clearly focused on the words printed on them. He suddenly looked stressed out, like the papers contained paragraphs of bad news.

“I finished the dishes,” you sounded, having him look over and give you a smile.

“Thank you so much,” Calum spoke softly. His voice had reduced to a more hush tone. His eyes were suddenly cloudy; he looked distraught. He sniffled a little bit before placing the papers down on the counter. “Anyways, when do you want to leave? I can take you home.”

He was no longer the Calum behind the stove making the two of you breakfast. He was last nights Calum, with all the stress returned from the bar. “Don’t worry, I can take the subway back,” you insisted. You dried off your hands and headed straight for the laundry room.

“Where are you going?” Calum called to you.

You pulled your dress out from the dryer (which had dried extremely quickly) and changed. You left the clothing you borrowed in his hamper and embarrassingly slipped on your dirty panties. You return to him and grab your shoes from beside him that was on the chair. You bent down and slipped the on, knowing that the man’s eyes were on you. But doing this motion finally made you realize about your knees.

“Oh.” Your thumbs rub along the scrapes and bruises that made themselves at home on your knees. They were blue and purple and red, and finally began to sting as soon as you paid attention to them.

“Y/N, let me--” Calum started but you raised your hand and shook your head.

“I’m good.” You grabbed your phone and remembered your strap that was still in the room. But you weren’t pressed about it as kept it in hand and headed straight for the door.

“Y/N!” Calum called for you but you were already out the door. And he chose not to follow.

XXX

Meri, like the good best friend she was, managed to get the building staff to sneak you in from the back. You swiftly followed her through the prohibited corridors and made it safely back into her apartment. The paparazzi remained outside like angry bees, waiting to pester you for details.

“So much for covering my face,” you sighed in annoyance. You plopped yourself on Meri’s gray couch in defeat and slipped off your shoes. Meri closes the door and joins you. “Now they’re going to bother me for a while.”

“I think you’ll be okay,” Meri hums as she toys with a strand of your hair. “Clevver news has you covered.”

You express a puzzled look as Meri pulls out her phone and taps away. With a video now open, she turns her phone horizontally and holds it before the both of you. You watch attentively to see one of the Clevver reporters begin the daily scoop of gossip.

“’Last night, bass player Calum Hood left last nights celebrity gathering pretty early, hand in hand with a woman in a red dress,’” the reporter says quickly. “’The woman, though, had been identified early this morning when pictures of the same woman in the red dress had first arrived to the party with best friend Merigold Leigh.’”

Meri sucks her teeth, “they spelled my name wrong in the captions.”

“’The woman, known as Y/N Y/L/N, was her best friends plus one last night at the party in downtown, New York. This has reportedly been the first time seeing Y/N going out with her best friend to this kind of outing.’“

“I mean,” Meri begins, “they aren’t lying.”

“‘Coincidentally though,’“ the reporter begins with a smirk, “‘her first night out ended pretty quickly when 5 Seconds of Summer’s Calum Hood escorts her out and drive them away. Could this have been by coincidence or planned?’“

You scoff at the phone. “I’ve never met this man until last night! What the fuck is she on about?” Meri shrugs but insists that you watch the remainder of the video.

“‘But she could also simply be one of the many woman Calum has been taking home since his arrival to New York a week ago,’“ the reporter informs. “‘Since his arrival, he has been out every night and has a different woman each time.”

“Ah,” you begin. “He’s a fuckboy.” You push away Meri’s phone and sigh. “Great, fucking wonderful.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I let him fuck me raw,” you resign into your hands. “I probably have herpes or some shit now.” Meri quickly raised her phone and started looking through her contacts. “Meri, what are you--?”

“Sh!” She pressed a finger against your lips. “Let me do what I do.”

After 2 rings, someone picked up and Meri was on attack mode, “Luke, I have a question or two and you’re going to answer, ‘kay?”

You watched as she put the call on speaker and you heard a man’s voice, “geez, okay.” He sounded similar to Calum, but not as sexy. His voice was indeed hoarse but it was more clean and lighter.

“Is Calum with you?” Meri blurted out. You slapped your forehead with your hand, taken aback by Meri’s audacity.

“Oh yeah, I just got to his apartment,” the man, Luke, answered. “D’you want me to pass the phone to him?”

“Yup.”

A bit of ruffling noise later, Calum’s voice sounded through, “hello?”

“Calum, do you have an STD?” Meri went straight to the point. You wanted to melt from the embarrassment, but you knew she had to do whatever it takes to reassure you. That’s what best friends are for after all.

“No, why?”

“Because you fucked my best friend raw and she’s worried you might’ve given her a fuckboy disease.” Calum chuckles through the phone.

“Let her know she has nothing to worry about,” Calum assured, though the both of you weren’t too convinced. “I promise.”

Meri’s green eyes look into yours, shrugging at his words. You couldn’t tell if he was being honest or not because you’ve only known this man for a few hours. Meri decides that he’s in the clear and sighs, “whatever you say, Hood. But if she gets checked and they find something, I’m going after you.”

“I give you full permission,” Calum chuckles again. “Anyways, was that all?”

Meri was fuming from how lightly he was taking her, but you decided to takeover. Grabbing the phone from her hand, you put it close to your mouth and grin, “that’s all, Calum. Thank you!”

“Oh, Y/N!” Calum enthusiastically cheers. “Did you get back safe? I didn’t catch your number so I couldn’t ask.” Your cheeks tinted pink from his consideration. Meri shoved your shoulder gently.

“I’m fine,” you reply. “We’ll stop wasting your time now. Bye bye.” Calum began a breath as though he wanted to say another word, but you hung up before he had the chance. You hand the phone back to Meri and shake your head. “Who’s Luke?”

“Oh, Luke?” You nod. “That’s one of Calum’s band mates; Luke Hemmings. He’s the lead singer.” You nod, taking this information in. “When we go out tonight, I’ll point him out for you. He’s blonde with blue--”

“I ain’t going out tonight,” you immediately dismissed. Meri looked at you in shock but you quickly stopped her, “this was enough fun for a weekend. I don’t want to be another celebrities one night.”

“You won’t be if you don’t follow them,” Meri scolded. “Just stay with me.”

“I don’t know if you’re gonna disappear on me again or not,” you dropped your hands on your thighs. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“What, did Calum do something to you?” Meri asked worriedly. You shook your head, “then why won’t you go?”

“I don’t want to deal with the paparazzi,” you sighed in annoyance. “I’m in the gossip and that’s not what I want. You can deal with fame but I can’t. I just want to go back to being an irrelevant NYU student who only studies and drinks coffee.”

“Well, we’re too late for that,” Meri replies. Her hands snake under your head and tilts it so you’d be facing her. “The paparazzi aren’t going to know about this party.”

“Mm?” You furrow your brows in confusion. “Why not?”

“Because we weren’t supposed to talk about it and it’s not an easily accessible place,” Meri informs you with a smirk. You were still confused, but she quickly opens the small drawer of the coffee table and reveals two tickets. “The party is on a cruise ship.”

XXX

“Meri, I don’t like water too much,” you say in a panicked tone.

Before the both of you was a huge, egg-white ship. It was brightly lit up and parked right by the bay of Chelsea Piers. You’ve always seen many boats parked there, but you’ve never had the opportunity to get on one. Not that you cared for missing out-- boats weren’t your favorite vehicles.

“There are no sharks in the Hudson River, Y/N,” Meri rolls her eyes. You two were linked by arms as you walked closer and closer to the boarding dock. Security surrounded you two, but Meri wasn’t wrong. There were no paparazzi in sight.

“There was a whale in here a little bit ago,” you chime in. She shoves you playfully.

“Stop being a wuss,” Meri said aggressively, having you suck your teeth at her. “Even then, if you really want to get off, there are speed boats surrounding the cruise and they’re on hold for calls every second.”

You sighed. It was reassuring, but you still weren’t to excited about it. The boat itself was immensely intimidating and you felt immensely self-conscious with your outfit.

Because there were going to be several pools, Meri forced a black one-piece bathing suit on you. It hugged your curves nicely, and had a very low v-neck so the inner sides of your breasts shower. You also had a pair of white booty shorts pulled on, which were short enough that the bottom of your ass cheeks showed. Hair was tied up and heels were hugging your feet kindly. You were embarrassed, but denying Meri had been hard nowadays.

“This is gonna suck,” you sighed. You were glad that you didn’t have too many accessories on this time, but this outfit made you feel so exposed. You told Meri that you had no intention to get into any pool, but she wanted you to dress properly. “I already hate it.”

“Shush!” Meri hushed you. All you could do was groan as the sound of the highway by the bay sounded with humming cars and honks. You walked passed lit up sidewalk lamps and made your way over to the boarding area. Celebrities of all forms were waiting around in groups, likely waiting for others before getting into the cruise.

The two of you get in line, security still surrounding you as the staff in charge of boarding people had been walking down the line to check everyone in faster. Meri handed the tickets to the staff member, who poked holes in them before returning them back to her. Meri handed you one and instructed that you don’t lose it. You listen and immediately fold it and put it in the pocket of your phone case.

Your anxiety rose as you two crossed the board walk, which was covered in a red carpet. You two enter the lavish cruise ship, which were ornate with golden lights and pictures of famous people on said cruise. Staff had sprawled all around, walking around the celebrities with plates of sushi and other finger foods.

Meri guided you to the heart of the ship, which looked as extravagant as the Titanic at its time. A huge chandelier hung right above you with a large set of stairs that guided the two of you up stairs to one of the outer levels of the cruise. Meri was so excited that she dashed up and almost fell a few times. She was lucky you held her, or else her face would have met the floor by now.

“Beautiful!” Meri squealed as you two finally reached where the party was. The pools seemed infinite as lights were installed in them and illuminated right out of the chlorine water. There were people everywhere in bathing suits, either dancing in the water or grinding on one another dry. You weren’t really sure how to react but you decided to focus on the excited ginger holding your arm.

“This ship is huge,” you comment, basking in the largeness and luminous entity that was the cruise. You look over at the main component of the cruise, seeing several doors and people walking around. “What’s over there?”

“Do you not know how a cruise works, Y/N?” Meri asked curiously. “Everyone is assigned a room if you want to stay overnight. Our rooms are right next to each other.”

You frown, “why couldn’t we just share a room? It seems wasteful to give a room to someone like me.”

“Because,” Meri began quietly. A huge grin touching ear to ear formed and she tapped her lips with her free hand. “There’s someone I want to spend the night with.”

“Gross,” you shake your head, “and I’m gonna have to sleep right next to that. Geez, Meri...”

“Or maybe not?” She raised the pitch of her voice. You raise an eyebrow towards her as she begins to guide you around the pools. “I want to sleep with a member in this band and lucky for me; its a two man band.”

“Oh is it now?” You ask in a monotone voice.

Meri nods her head happily as she walks you passed the bunches of people. She greets the people you pass with a back pat and a happy ‘hi!’ before reaching one of the many large Jacuzzi’s. And, to your surprise, you saw more than 2 people in there.

“Aye, Meri!” Although your ears heard one thing, your eyes were looking at a completely different individual. At the farthest point of the Jacuzzi from where you stood was Calum Hood, with a woman sitting on him. You decide to find the face to the voice before indulging in the bassist’s exposure.

“Lukey-poo!” Meri lets you go to quickly dip into the pool to meet the blonde man half way. The white boy with blonde curls was pretty cute, with a dashing smile and heart-melting blue eyes. He seemed genuinely content to see your best friend as the two hugged one another. “How are you?”

“I’m good; it’s so good to see you!” Oh, you realized. This is Luke, Calum’s band mate. You watch with a curt smile as the two were only thighs deep in the water, holding each other and exchanging the quickest set of words. He turned her a bit to see four other boys who were sat in the Jacuzzi, beers in hands and all smiles.

“Ashton! Michael!” The largest man there stood up first, water dripping down his toned body. You bit your bottom lip as you watched the unnaturally red-haired man stand and give your friend an airhug. “Ashton, you can hug me; I’m not scared of water.”

“Maybe not you, but your phone definitely is,” the built man, Ashton, joked. He turned over to meet your eyes as Meri continued to hug the other man beside him who you assumed was Michael. “I take it you are Merigold’s best friend, yes?”

You nod shyly, watching as he moves through the water and offers you a hand. “I’m Y/N.” Ashton smiles as you shake his hand. “And wow, your hand is huge.”

Ashton bursts into a joyful laugh. He, too, owned the broken Australian accent that Calum and Luke own. He must be part of the band, too. “I get that a lot. Will you be joining us this evening, Y/N?”

“I’ve got nowhere else to go as soon as this cruise starts going, so,” you joked, having Ashton emit yet another hardy laugh. You smiled, noticing that Ashton didn’t let your hand go.

“Come come, join us in the water,” Ashton insisted, in which you politely declined at first. But Ashton gives your hand a squeeze, his intoxicating hazel eyes practically begging you. “It’s warm, and there’s absolutely no sharks.”

You snorted, with Meri looking back to laugh at Ashton’s reassuring strategy. You think for a brief moment before resigning and wiggling down your shorts as well as removing your heels. Holding it in your free hand, Ashton held your hand and helped you down carefully. He walked you over to the rest of the boys, who of which Meri had been ogling one of them.

He’s the one she wants to fuck. But as you came closer and closer, you realized that the two man band had been people you recognized. “Oh shit,” you emit under your breath, “you guys are the Chainsmokers, right?” The two boys leaning against the rim of the Jacuzzi smile and chuckle at your reaction.

“Nice to meet you,” the raven-haired man start, plopping his hand out from the water to offer it to you. “I’m Alex, and this over here is Drew.” You shake his hand first, realizing that this was the man Meri wanted to hook you up with while she took the dirty blonde man that also held his hand out.

“It’s nice to meet you as well,” you smile while shaking hands with Drew right after. “I watched you guys win that Grammy a bit ago; congratulations on your success.”

“Thank you so much,” Alex replies with a gracious smile. He gestures you over to sit beside him, with Ashton calling a server over to bring you a beer. It was this moment that you realized how kind a few celebrities can be. You take a seat beside Alex, with Drew beside him and Meri right next to him. The warm water relaxed your body as Ashton and Michael decide to stand in front of you all to make conversation easier.

Michael introduces himself, in which you shake his hand happily. “I apologize that our bass player isn’t respectful.” You giggle as Luke comes over to join. “But you’ve got the lead singer, lead guitarist.” He pats his wet chest, “and the drummer.” He points at Ashton, who smiles contently.

“Maybe you all can sing me a little something later,” you tease, as Luke looks over at the other boys.

“I mean, I’m pretty pitch perfect right now,” Michael downplays, shrugging as you got distracted very quickly by how pale the boy was and how much ink was ornate around his body. “My voice is solely ready for Jet Black though.”

Ashton laughs at him and shakes his head, “last chorus though?” Michael nods vigorously. “Yeah, alright. Luke?” The blonde boy also nods. They then look over at Calum, who was unsurprisingly making out with the woman on him. “Calum!”

He pulls away from the girl and looks your way, immediately engaging with your eyes. There was a sort of longing and interest in his eyes that you couldn’t quite understand. His large hands that once held the woman’s waist under the water was now resting on the outer rim of the Jacuzzi that he was leaning against. His head was tilted up, having you ravish in his toned torso and how sharp his jawline was.

“What?” His voice, deep and raspy, asked in annoyance. His eyes redirect to face meet with Ashton’s. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Can’t you see we have a guest?” Ashton points at you while still glaring at the bass player. “I think you two have met before.”

“Huh?” He asked, his words licked with confusion. “Who?”

You raised your eyebrows in shock. You didn’t know this man enough to be insulted, but you were surprised at his audacity. After face fucking you twice, eating you out, and ramming inside you for his climax, he suddenly doesn’t know who you are. You snorted, your hand feeling the hickeys ornate on your neck. He gave you tea, made you breakfast and washed the dress he had soiled. I misjudged you, you thought. You’re a prick.

“I think it’ll sound just as good regardless if he joins in or not,” you immediately commented, rolling your eyes before looking back at Ashton with a smile. Meri snorted and muttered a ‘get fucked’ under her breath as she takes a swig of her beer. She passes you one, in which her happily take. “Please serenade me?”

“Your wish shall be our command,” Ashton winks before looking over at Michael. The green-eyed boy clears his throat before he begun to sing. When he finishes his line, Ashton and Luke join in and they all harmonize. The way their voices complimented one another was impressive and you were pleasantly surprised. They’re really good.

When they finished, everyone around who heard gave them an applause. You clapped against your bottle of beer, genuinely impressed by their voices. “Wow, can’t wait to add you guys to my Spotify.”

They all laugh while bowing towards the crowd. You took a swig of your beer and engaged in conversation with the boys.

XXX

A half hour passes, and you were all giggles. Michael had been telling you about how he was happily engaged and even showed you his band. Luke, Meri, Alex, and Drew decided to go participate in the surfing that they were conducting on the other side of the large cruise. Michael, soon after finishing his obsession with his lover Crystal, he received a text from her, inviting him over to her suite.

That left just you and Ashton.

“Ah no, we write some of the silliest shit sometimes,” Ashton explains through a fit of laughter. “We haven’t dated much in the first few years of our career and we wrote so much lovey dovey shit.”

“I mean listen,” you tried to ease, “I’ll keep it a buck with you; that’s the stuff that sells.”

Ashton nodded, “you’re absolutely right. That’s the shit that sells.” Ashton was right beside you, shoulders touching but he had the respect to keep from making any moves or overstepping. You could tell he had a surface-level interest in you, but he wasn’t intending to force himself on you. “Now, the band has changed completely.”

“Yeah?”

“Luke’s dating Sierra,” Ashton began as he looked into the distance. “Fucking Michael is engaged and Calum’s busy being a fuckboy.” You two glance over at Calum, who was still making out with this chick, his hands pressing against her exposed back. “Fucking twat. And I’m here trying to figure my place with this girl.”

“I take it you like her?” You ask curiously.

“I do, a lot, actually,” Ashton’s words were true. “But she doesn’t exactly want to commit to me. She initially had a crush on that dickhead over there.” He points his chin towards Calum. You widened your eyes to this information.

“You’re kidding.”

Ashton shakes his head, “I’m dead serious. I’m not mad at him though; she liked him first and I can’t control her feelings.” You nodded comprehensively. “But Calum took advantage of that knowledge and began fucking her for a while.”

Wow, you thought. Tonight had really been the worst night for Calum. You were learning all these things about Calum, which confirmed your not-entertained suspicion that he might be a bad guy. The way he acts seemed completely different with the way he actually was.

“But as you expected, he got bored,” Ashton informed you. “I’m pretty sure she only started crushing on me because she got hurt, but sometimes you’ve gotta take what you can get.”

“My sympathy goes to you, Ashton,” you admit quietly, “but isn’t that also taking advantage of her?”

“Yeah, if I came to her,” he took another swig of beer. “But she went ahead crying to me, unknowing that I liked her. So she attached herself to me and that’s when I told her.”

You took another drink as well. “This is a lot of tea for me, you know. And I just met you.” The two of you share a laugh before you shrug. “I’m sorry to hear about all that though. I can imagine how awkward it must be between you and Calum.”

“What? Nah,” Ashton denied. “Me and Calum are like boyfriends. He isn’t a bad guy whatsoever. He’s actually got the biggest heart in the world.” You were finding that hard to believe now. “Currently, he’s been having a hard time but before all that, he’s the most down-to-earth guy. He apologized for hurting her even.”

You glance over at Calum, your mind unsure as to how to deem him. He’s a good guy but also a bad guy but also a good guy? Your mind was racing as he continued sucking lips with the girl. “Sounds like someone who could ruin my life,” you muttered quietly.

Ashton shrugged, “he’s just never been rejected before. Girls throw themselves at him left and right.” But right then, the drummer nudges you and smirks. “That is, until he met you.”

“Huh?”

“When Luke told him that Meri was bringing you tonight, Calum was formulating a whole plan to make you want him again,” Ashton informs you. “You’ve been the only girl who didn’t bother to ask for his number or any social media handle. He didn’t want you to be a one night stand.”

You couldn’t believe it. Calum is being a giant prick because you were the first woman who didn’t care? Just because he was famous doesn’t mean that the world revolves around him. A one night stand is a one night stand; you weren’t bothered to ask for another night. You enjoyed that night and decided to carry on with your life. It wasn’t like you were going to date him.

“That’s funny,” you softly reply, focusing down on the now empty bottle in your hands. “The morning after, he made me breakfast and let me use his bathroom. And after all that, he wanted me out of the apartment quickly.”

Ashton begins to think a bit, biting the skin in his cheek. He then looks over and lowers his eyebrows, “was he looking at anything? Like his phone or any documents?”

“Mhm,” you replied, “like this bundle of papers.”

Ashton nods, “yeah no, it’s not you. Like I said, he’s having a hard time and those documents are the reason why. He honestly doesn’t mean to act so bipolar.”

You began to ponder what was written in the documents, but they truly were none of your business. Whatever those documents held clearly bothered Calum and you weren’t intending to to pry. After all, you don’t even think you two can be considered friends. You’re more acquainted than anything. You know more about Ashton now than you do about Calum.

“Anyways.” A subject change. “It seems Merigold was interested in Drew. Do you know if she’s got a crush on him?”

“I dunno about a crush,” you shrugged, “she wants to fuck him.”

Ashton snorts, “yeah? She’s planning on kicking you out for the night then?”

“I have my own suite but we’re right beside each other,” you began with a sigh. “But she actually wanted me to fuck Alex so it was like a whole double-fucking thing.”

Ashton chuckles, “how’s it working out for you?” You jokingly look around to spot the mentioned boy that clearly wasn’t around.

“Not well, I think.” You giggle. Camila Cabello begins playing on the boat, with a bit of the noise settling down. Never Be the Same had been playing, and several people began dancing slowly against each other and quietly belting the tune. “I kinda really like this song.”

“Yeah?” Ashton asked. He grabbed the empty beer bottles and put them on the outside of the Jacuzzi. “’Just like nicotine, heroin, morphine.’” This boy could hit some high pitches, you noticed. “’Suddenly, I’m a fiend and you’re all I need.’” He grabbed your chin, reminding you of the way Calum did, and winked. “’All I need... yeah, yeah, all I need...’”

Ashton quickly grabbed you and placed you on top of him. You blushed, seeing how easy he was able to do that due to the water making your body incredibly light. You weren’t sure how you felt about this situation, considering you just met this man. But with the way his eyes were looking at you, you knew that you something. Unfortunately, you sort of had someone else in mind.

“’It’s you, babe,’” Ashton sung quietly, “’n I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe.’” His large hands supported your lower back, holding you close so you wouldn’t float away. “’And I could try to run but it would be useless...’“

“Ashton...” You didn’t want to seem rude, but fucking one band member and then fucking the next makes you feel like a slut. You didn’t even know how you managed to get into such a situation with Calum, let alone how you got into it again with Ashton. But hooking up immediately after one last night made your stomach churn. “I shouldn’t. I just fucked your bandmate yesterday and--”

“I know,” Ashton quietly whispered, bringing your face closer to his. He gives you a wink, “just wait another minute.” You titled your head to the left in confusion while Ashton began cutting the space between your lips. His breath tickled your lips, “wait for it.”

You felt his lips just barely touch yours before you hear splashes of water headed your way. Ashton laughed against your lips, pulling back as the both of you turn to see Calum rush your way. The water clearly slowed him down, but the fierceness in his eyes were piercing you. “Fuckin’ knew it,” Ashton mumbled under his breath. He looks at you and gives you a wide smile, “have fun.”

“Huh?” You exclaimed. Before you knew it, a hand grabbed hold of your upper arm and pulled you from Ashton’s body. You attempt to pull away but you froze when Calum held your shoulders so you could be staring straight at him. “Calum, what the fuck--”

“Shut the fuck up.” His voice was cold and vexed, as though someone had broken his favorite item. He gives Ashton an ill look, which Ashton repaid with a devilish smirk. “You’re so fucking annoying, Ash.” Calum could only roll his eyes.

“You can thank me later.” Ashton winks at you before waving his hands in dismissal. “Have fun, kids.”

Calum began pulling you away, which made you instinctively grab your things and exit the Jacuzzi with him. He guides you away without a word, allowing you to just be met with his back. Toned and smooth, with his scapula protruding, which made you tempted to reach up and touch them. But right now, you weren’t having it with Calum.

“Calum, where the fuck are we going? Let go of me!”

“No.”

His words were thin and formidable. You weren’t sure of anything at that moment except for the grip he hand around your wrist. You two were leaving a trail of Jacuzzi water, his entire body dripping more than yours. This man was looking good, you couldn’t lie. But you were not happy with being somewhat manhandled by this man.

And, while you were at the idea of being manhandled, did nobody notice all the wounds you owned on your body? The scraped and bruised knees? The hickeys all over your neck? Was this normal for celebrities to see so they couldn’t be bothered to look at you? Even Meri didn’t say anything (which likely was to spare you from the embarrassment.)

She’s a good friend, bless her heart.

But once again, she left you and you were having yet another deja vu moment with Calum. You could be at home, being a good girl and studying. Or maybe taking another shift so you could earn a bit more pocket money. Or sleeping, honestly.

“Calum, where are you taking me?”

You trail close behind, noticing that he was taking you to the inside of the cruise where the seemingly endless floors of suites resided. He loosened his grip and gradually let you go as soon as you two got close to a crowded elevator. You would have escaped but he pressed his hand on your lower back, cautious of mentioned potential plan.

“Be a good girl and just follow,” Calum murmurs, the two of you standing with several others. You grumbled, your eyes watching the elevator reach each floor before making it to the ground level (or your current floor.) Calum gets you in first so the two of you would be against the wall. But it was becoming cramp, so Calum took it upon himself to get you in a corner and cage you with his arms.

“You must be joking,” you chuckled darkly under your breath. Calum’s chest pressed against yours, feeling your nipples perk from the A/C of the elevator and Calum’s body. “I should’ve just kicked you in the nuts and ran as fast as possible.”

“I used to play soccer in secondary school,” Calum muttered by your ear. “Meaning that it would have been futile; I would have caught you already.” Rolling your eyes from his cockiness, you keep your arms tightly to your sides and emit a sigh. The elevator smelled of chlorine now; you longed for a shower.

“I wish Ashton didn’t let you grab me,” you sighed in annoyance. You threw your head back and leaned against the elevator wall. “I was having a good time.”

Calum brought his hand over to your face, pinching both cheeks with his fingers. Your lips were now vertical and popping out. “Wanna take back those words, Princess?”

“Or else what?” You hissed, pushing his hand off of your face. “Whatcha gonna do? Bite me?” You bring a hand up to rub your neck. “I don’t think you’ve got much more bite in you.”

“Oh Princess,” Calum hummed, pressing his forehead against yours, “you’re going to regret those words.”

You two had reached the desired floor as Calum grabs you out of the elevator and begins walking towards his suite. You reluctantly followed, barely tipsy from the one beer you had given. This would be more bearable if you were drunk, but you preferred being fairly sober. Better to actually know what was going on rather than just mindlessly doing things in the moment.

Your feet left several puddles, with mental apologies floating all around your head. But Calum didn’t seem to give a damn as you two made it to one of the ends of the hall worth of suites. A guard stood at the end of it, meeting eyes with Calum.

“I.D.,” the guard asked. Calum fished his phone out from his pocket, which had been covered with a plastic protector. He lets you go momentarily but keeps you stood at the door as he took out his identification and presented it to the guard. You crossed your arms across your chest, knowing your nipples were still perky and evident.

The guard nods, digging through his pocket with his eyes peered in to take out a keycard. He offers it to Calum, who takes it graciously and hands him a fair amount of money. They exchange a look before the guard begins to walk away from the suite, which you assumed was to take a new position at the other end.

Calum grabbed a bit of your bathing suit and moved you back to dip the card into the lock. The red light turns green, and in one clean click! sound, the door is opened and the two of you are in.

[Before we continue (if you’d like), play Can’t Imagine by Always Never]

Calum switches on the lights and you were presented with a beautiful suite. Unfortunately, with the situation at hand once again, Calum wasn’t going to let you ravish in it’s elegance. He drags you into the bathroom and flicks on the light in there. “Calum?” You ask but he locks the door of the suite and the bathroom before turning to you with such a serious expression.

“Get in the shower,” Calum immediately instructed. You stayed still, attempting to comprehend exactly what was going on. He keeps his eyes locked with yours as he moves a bit closer. “Did I stutter?”

Preventing the situation from becoming grim, you oblige and position yourself into the shower. You toss your things on the sink before you do and you turn to watch Calum. The toned man empties his hands as well and teases the waist of his swimming trunks. Heat bursts into your cheeks as his length, exposed and hardening, was exposed before you.

“C-Calum,” you attempt to look away but Calum walks towards you and grabs your chin. He tilts your head down, forcing you to see his cock slap his stomach.

“I didn’t tell you to look away, did I?” Calum growled, your eyes wide by the twitching and eagerness of his cock. “Get in the shower, put your hands on the wall. Don’t move a muscle.”

You pressed your hands against the wall opposite from the shower head, your heart racing from nerves. Staring at the wall ornate with minimalist art of shells and waves, you listen as Calum turns on the shower. The glass shower door is closed, and the intimacy suddenly went up into flames.

You couldn’t see it, but Calum opened up the bar of soap that hotels provide and began rubbing it between his wet hands. You could hear the soap squish and squeak in his hands. Then, Calum’s hand grabbed the bit of bathing suit between your thighs and pulled them up, giving you an annoying wedgie. “What the fuck, Calum?”

Smack! His hand met harshly with your ass cheek, causing you to lean your body against the wall. Calum chuckled coolly under his breath, “that’s Daddy to you, Princess.” He starts to rub the area that now stings, your ass foamed up with bubbles of soap. “I need my Princess clean before I can fuck the lights out of her.”

You gulp, feeling his fingers gradually rub down towards the crevice between your glistening thighs. His long fingers teased, slowly rubbing between the lips of your pussy. You pressed your forehead against the well, the sensation sending twitch-inducing pleasure through your body.

“C-Calum, quit it...” you measley fought, your eyes completely shut when Calum began rubbing your clit in circles with the tip of his middle finger. Your toes curled from his touch, but he suddenly halted. Shit, you thought. Wrong name. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

Calum smirked. “I know you are, Princess.” He continued stimulating your clit, rubbing it slowly as his free hand rubbed adoringly along the curves of your body. “You look good. Too good.” He gave your side a little pinch. “I didn’t like the way people were looking over at you.”

“People were looking at me?” You asked curiously. You were completely oblivious to any eyes on you, considering you were constantly engaged in interaction and conversation with people to really notice.

“I noticed you when you first came to the pool area on the main deck,” Calum admitted quietly. “I watched you come to the Jacuzzi. I watched the way Ashton held your hand and helped you in. I watched him mount you on top of him.”

So he cares a lot. You smirked, allowing yourself a victory in your head. Even an asshole-acting chick magnet has enough energy to put aside his pride. “Didn’t think you noticed. You had a girl all up on you.”

“Didn’t even bother to catch her fucking name,” Calum mumbled. His hands left your body for a quick moment to apply more soap. Suddenly, without warning, his hands shoved themselves between the front of your body and the bathing suit. You froze. “I was busy thinking about how I was going to bring you back here.”

“O-oh really?” His fingers rubbed along your stomach. “But you already h-had a girl on you. Isn’t that-” his fingers crawled up to the space between your breasts, “-what you wanted?”

“She wasn’t you.” His large hands reached your breasts and pressed his palms down against your nipples. You emit a strangled moan.

“Her body was perfect,” you commented quietly. “S-seemed like your body t-type...”

“You’re my body type.” He rested his head on your shoulder, noticing your arms struggling due to his satisfying touch. “Do you like the way I touch you, Princess?” You nod, biting your bottom lip harshly. He presses his cock against your ass. “Do you want me to fuck you?”

You hum out an ‘mhm’ but it wasn’t good enough for Calum. His fingers wrap about your nipples and tug them harshly, making you jump. Your nails threaten to leave scratches on the wall, but Calum’s painful teasing was slowly sending you to the edge. “P-please...”

His hands rub your chest easily with his soapy fingers, his index fingers constantly circling your nipples. “I will.” But after his words, he retracted his body from yours. You open your eyes and decide to turn around to face Calum. You watched as he detached the shower head from its holster and began spraying you with water. “But first, I need to wash you off.”

“Calum!” For a moment, you two were sharing a laugh. Calum had been spraying warm water over your body, in which you simultaneously tried to get rid of all the soap as well as shield yourself from it. He was immensely entertained by your motions as you removed any spec of soap from your body. “I’m clean, I’m clean!”

“Are you sure?” He kept spraying your chest. “I feel like you’ve still got a lil some some.”

“Calum!”

“Okay, okay.” Calum obliges and puts the shower head back where it was held. It continued to hit his back again while he neared you. He tugs on the bit of bathing suit covering your stomach and reverts back to a serious face. “Strip that off and go dry yourself. I want to see you on the bed when I’m done here.”

You tilt your head to the side, “what will you be doing here?”

He looks down, then meets your eyes again, “I’m not fucking you with a chlorine-covered cock.”

“Nice alliteration,” you said under your breath. Calum smirked. You looked down at his cock, standing painfully hard right before you. Then, without much thought, you brought yourself on your knees (hissing in the process.) “Pass me the soap.”

“Y/N, you don’t--”

“It’s Princess to you,” you scolded from below, earning a heart-melting smile from the man before he offers the soap down to you. “I can’t let you do everything, can I?” You lather the soap all over your hands before you drop it on the shower floor. Calum emits a gentle moan as soon as you wrapped your hands around his cock. “...A newfound kink I see?” You teased, stroking his cock up and down.

“It’s not a kink!”

“It’s a soap kink.”

“It’s not!”

You snort, “I’m not convinced.” You rub his long cock, watching as his thighs tense up and his toes curl below you.

“Y/N, you’re fucking touching my cock,” Calum exclaims in frustration. He threw his head back in euphoria. “Fucking... of course I’m going to react this way-- it feels good. B-but it’s not a-- fuck!”

Calum was quick to grab your shoulders and bring you back on your feet. Your hands leave his cock, the combination of soap and precum dripping from your fingers. “Take that off, dry yourself off, and get on the bed. Not another word, okay?” You just watched as he took the shower head again and cleaned your hands. “Understood, Princess?” He emphasized.

You nodded, earning an eager smile from Calum as he helped you out of the shower. You quickly grabbed a spare towel and your things but before you could escape the bathroom, Calum dips out from the shower and gives your ass a spank. “H-hey!” You squeaked. But when you glanced back to glare at the man, he only gave you a darker, more cynical look in return.

“Not another word,” Calum hums, his brown orbs instructing you to proceed before making any more bad moves. You leave silently, your skin quickly accumulating goosebumps due to the strong A/C. You shivered, lacking interest in stripping due to the bit of warmth the bathing suit provided.

But, you were to listen. Walking over to the large king sized bed, you toss your shorts and phone on the bedside table provided. You drop the towel on the bed and begin to peel off the bathing suit. With a bit of a struggle, you remove the soppy article of clothing from your body. Shivering some more, you find solace in wrapping yourself with the dry towel you grabbed. You could still smell a bit of chlorine on your skin, but the soap was able to fairly mask it.

The sound of the shower suddenly subdues, and you’re only left guessing what Calum could be doing. You keep your naked body wrapped with the towel while taking a seat on the bed. You watch as Calum Hood walks out of the bathroom and slowly makes his way to you.

Your body completely defied you and instantly reacted to seeing Calum’s nude body. It was built and toned, with tattoos kissed perfectly in his skin. The muscles were absolutely not subtle, and you desperately wanted to feel them. Ride-able thighs and a thick cock stopped right before you, with a hand under your chin to force your head up. You met his hungry eyes, gulping from their intensity.

“You seem distracted,” Calum hums quietly. He bends down to get a closer look at you. Your cheeks tint pink. “Like what you see, Princess?”

Submissively, you nod. Although you were mad earlier and preferred to continue a conversation with Ashton, you couldn’t deny your hormones. Calum knew how to fuck, and you didn’t mind an opportunity to feel good. His thumb rubs along your trembling bottom lip, his cock completely hard and pressed against his stomach. “I’m going to face fuck you again, Princess.”

You lips quivered, “b-but my throat is still--”

“Did I ask?” Those brown orbs were engulfed in darkness, with all sorts of devious plans that you couldn’t even imagine. “Come.” He lays down on the bed, his head comfortably settling into the pillows by the headboard. He gestures you to sit between his legs. You nest there quickly, your hands immediately wrapping around his cock and waiting for instruction. “Comfortable?” You nod. “Then go ahead, Princess.”

You lean down, familiar with this request as your mouth immediately took in his entire member. Calum’s throaty moans are forced out, his cock twitching contently in your mouth. You felt yourself gagging a bit when his tip teased the beginning of your throat, but you had to brace yourself. Because Calum wasn’t intending to remove your mouth from his dick anytime soon.

His hands quickly found themselves webbed up in your hair, a string of moans escaping before he slowly forced your head up and down his length. Tears develop once again and you held on tightly to his muscular thighs. “F-fuck, Y/N... your mouth feels so fucking good...”

His praise encouraged you to twirl your tongue around, eager for his cock to cum already. Your precum had already been leaking down between your legs and onto the bed sheets. You mentally apologized to the maids that would be cleaning this room eventually. Saliva streamed down his cock as he quickened his pace and solely focused on reaching his high.

“’M close, Princess,” he informs you quietly, his voice shaky and husky due to his approaching climax. He forced his cock down your throat, your cheeks shining from your tears. But when you looked over at Calum, all you could see was his jawline. His head was thrown back, working towards his euphoric moment as his hands continued to force your head up and down his member.

But finally, he came.

Forcing it down your throat and relieving your throat with coughs, you watch as Calum sits up and moves to sit on the edge of the bed. He keeps you between his legs, but taps one of your legs. “Lift your leg over.” You do as told, with his leg between the two of yours. “Now sit.”

“Sit?” You asked, your hands wrapping around his neck for safety and grip. He holds your waist for extra support and waits patiently. “On your thigh?” He nods. Emitting a sigh, you slowly letting yourself down and immediately arc your back from feeling his skin against your pussy.

“Geez, Princess,” Calum began to tease with a smirk, “you’re so wet... it’s like you enjoy it when I fuck your face.” You stay quiet, shutting your eyes as doses of pleasure shot all about your body from just being still. “Princess, you’d feel much better if you moved.”

“I-I know, I just...” You didn’t know what to say, really. You were already feeling good just feeling his thigh below you. He was incredibly warm and his large hands on your waist kept you paralyzed.

“Guess I still gotta do a lot.” Without wasting a second, Calum used his strength and moved you up and down his thigh. You emit staggered moans, feeling your precum spread along his thigh. Your body writhed, your arms wrapping a little tighter around his neck. “You okay, Princess?”

“Mhm,” you strained out. Calum chuckles, using one hand to continue moving you up and down his thigh. His resigned hand went ahead and took hold of one of your breasts. “F-fuck, Daddy...”

His thumb circled around your nipple, forcing it erect while tilting it up so he could wedge it between his teeth. Pleasure hatched through your bones, feeling the stimulation of your pussy against his thigh and the way he nipped and nibbled at your nipple. It was killing you-- you wanted to get fucked already. You were tired of this teasing and touching when you wanted to be completely ruined by this man.

“Alright, fuck this.” Calum’s patience runs dry from teasing you. His hands grab your waist again to lift you onto his cock. You assist, your legs now on either side of his as he forced you down onto his cock. Your mouth blurts out sinful words, feeling as your pussy was ravishing around Calum’s dick. “Fuck...”

“Sh-shit...” His fingers dent into your waist, his pelvis thrusting into you to get his cock as deep as possible. He bounced you on his cock, with his hands ensuring that you’re pushed down immediately as soon as you’re almost completely off his cock. You hold on tightly, your acrylics digging into Calum’s back. You wanted to apologize immediately, but it didn’t seem like he minded.

As he continued, he brings his lips to your ear and nibbles on it. His thrusting made your brain stupid, but you definitely focused when he began to talk, “Princess, I have an offer for you.” His voice is serious right then. “And you aren’t allowed to say no.”

You continue to indulge while waiting quietly (but not quite) for his words. “I want you to be mine for the rest of the time that I’m in the city,” his whispers. “You can have whatever you want in return.”

“Y-you offering to be my s-sugar daddy, Daddy?” You struggled out between moans.

“If that’s what you want.”

You shook your head, backing up to look into Calum’s eyes. Your eyes threatened to shut from the pleasure but you forced yourself to meet his gaze. “W-we can just be f-fuckbuddies-- I don’t want your-- fuck-- money...”

Calum’s eyes widened, completely going still from your words. Your body calmed down from the pleasure and you tilted your head in confusion like a dog. “You don’t want my money?” You shook your head. “You straight up just want to fuck?”

“W-well, yeah?” You say honestly with a sigh. Sweat accumulated all over his face, but you could still see a sudden gentleness wash over him. “Did you want me to ask you for money in exchange?”

“N-no, I just.” Calum stutters. “It’s usually what I expect...”

You shake your head and smile, lifting one hand to give Calum a gentle slap on his forehead. “Then you should expect the unexpected from me. I’m not some golddigger or cloutchaser.” You wrap your arms around his neck again and shrug. “If you’re giving me pleasure, I’d like to return the favor with the same amount of pleasure.”

Calum could only blink, somewhat in awe from your words. You poke the back of his neck, watching his eyes burn into yours. “You’re only here for a little bit of time so I’d rather you spend less than what you’ve probably already spent.” The two of you sit in a bit of silence. His cock gets harder inside your pussy. “I-is that a deal?”

Calum breathes in for a moment before changing positions. You were now lying down on your back, with the man hovering over you. His cock was very much still inside you and his chest pushed down onto yours. “I’m going to devour you, Princess,” Calum insists in a hush tone before sitting back up. He holds onto your waist once again and begins to rail you, your mind going completely blank and your hands losing feeling.

You weren’t quite sure what you agreed to, but you were subconsciously praying you wouldn’t be regretting it.

-=-=-==-=-===-=---=-==-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-==-=-=-==-

another long part but a goodie (kinda). let me know whatcha think right in here and ill be starting the next part! <3

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clownbeep · 5 years ago

Text

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

#trigger warning #triggering #may be triggering #vent #emotional neglect #emotional abuse #suicide #suicide trigger #gore warning #memory problems #ramble #rambles

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leelee10898 · 5 years ago

Text

Fast cars & Freedom: who do you love? (11/?)

Ok.. it took me longer to get this done than I liked but here it is... A second paternity test, and the guys lay it on thr table. What will Ellie do now? Catch up HERE, also if you would like to be added to the tags, drop a line.

Pairings: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Raiting: Mature. Ccontains nsfw situations.

“Seriously, you're fucking with me right?” Ellie snapped. “I wish I was Ellie, but we have to retest.” Logan sighed. “Shit, my phone. I need to go get my phone.” she shot up running for the door. Of course something like this would happen, that was just her luck. Her thoughts now on Colt, who she was sure was flipping out. She got to her purse grabbing her phone. 17 missed calls she thought, all from Colt, except 1 that was the Drs office. As if on cue her phone started buzzing in her hand. It was Colt.

E: Colt? Whats going on?

C: Where the hell have you been ellie? I've been calling you non stop.

E: we're at the track with Logan.

C: Did you get the call from the Dr? He says we can be re tested today but we have to be there by 4.

Ellie looks down at her phone

E: 4? Its 3:30 Colt. And that's all the way across town in traffic. How are we supposed to get there by then?

C: Looks like you or Logan are going to have to channel your criminal driving. I'm on my way to the office, I'll see you there.

Logan and Stacie ran up, her dad, sally and Luca joining them. “Whats going on?” Logan questioned. “That was Colt. The Doctor said we can be re tested today, but we have to be there by 4.” Logans eyes went wide as he took note of the time. “I can get us there.” Logan stated confidently “lets go.”

Ellie asked Stacie to take her car and meet them at the office, her dad and Sallie heading home. Ellie hooked Lucas car seat in Logan's car quickly and they set out for the office. 20 minutes to go, the panic starting to set in.

Logan grabbed her hand, trying to calm her down. “You ok back there Luca?” he shouted back checking on Luca.

“This is fun!” Luca squealed, Ellie shook her head, Logan just chuckled. She definitely had speed in her blood, that's for sure.

They pulled up to the office with five minutes to spare. Colt stood next to his bike. “I was afraid you weren't going to make it.” he gave Logan a cocky smirk. “Come on Kaneko, you know better than that.”

Ellie grabbed Luca from her car seat, she immediately ran to Colt throwing her arms out. “Hey princess, I missed you.” he wrapped her in a hug as he lifted her off the ground.

They walked into the building, being taken right into the back. Logan and Colt going first. Colt held Luca while they swabbed her mouth. The doctor told them they would be sending it off for testing right away, the new lab turnaround was 2 to 4 weeks for dna testing, however with the amount of labs that would be flooding in it could take longer.

They walked out of the office finding Stacie waiting for them with Ellies car. Luca was complaining she was hungry so they decided to get something to eat. Colt had a customer picking up a car who had a custom job done that he had to be there for, so Ellie said she would catch up with him later that week. Ellie dropped stacie off at work and headed to meet Logan at the restaurant. He already had a table waiting for them when they arrived.

After ordering and finally eating, Luca was content playing on Ellies phone. “Ellie I need to talk to you about something important.” She could sense the seriousness in his tone.

“Ok, but quietly please.” she nodded towards Luca.

“Ellie, i'm pretty sure you know how I feel about you. You were the first and only girl I ever loved. But being with you and luca these past few weeks, well it made me realize that I want a family. I'm ready to settle down.” She took a deep breath, she wasn't expecting that. “Logan” She let out a long sigh. “I dont think thats a good idea right now.”

“I know, with the divorce and all. But really Ellie, I'm not getting any younger. I'm willing to wait, but.” He hesitated. Ellie reached out giving his hand a squeeze “I understand Logan. I do not want you to put your life on pause because I'm indecisive. If someone comes along that you think could lead somewhere, see how it goes.”

Logan sat there contemplating her words. “Thanks Ellie.” he finally spoke.

After they paid for their meal, Ellie took Luca home. She walked through the front door holding her sleeping child. Her dad and sally were sitting on the couch watching a movie, laughing and enjoying each other. “Hey kiddo. Someone passed out huh?” Frank looked up from the tv screen. “Hey guys. Yep long day. I'm gonna put her in bed and crash myself. Back to work tomorrow.” She said goodnight, put Luca to bed and headed there herself.

She put on her pajamas, and climbed into bed. She thought of her dad and Sally sitting on the couch, just enjoying being with each other. Her dad was happy, it was written all over his face and it made her happy for him. She thought about what Logan said at dinner, he was ready to settle down, but was she? She was divorcing Colt, was it fair to jump into something with Logan? Did she want to be with Logan or did she want Colt? She wasn't sure what she wanted that much was obvious, the thought of settling down, expanding her family and spending the rest of her life with someone who loved her and treated her well was all she ever dreamed of. She closed her eyes trying to escape her thoughts, after tossing and turning for a few hours she finally fell asleep.

A a few days had gone by, she had just got off work when he phone rang, Darnells name flashed across the screen.

“Hello.” she answered. “Hey Ellie, its Darnell. I just wanted to let you know that Judge Mitchell scheduled a date for the hearing.” Ellies blood ran cold, it was one thing to file but another that it was actually happening. “oh, ok. Um when is it?

“The Thursday before labor day.” Ellie went silent, her heart pounding in her chest. “Thats. That's two weeks away.”

“Yes. She wanted to get it in before the holiday. It'll be done soon. Have a good weekend Ellie.”

“Yeah, you too Darrell.” Ellie hung up the phone, tears now falling. The Realization that Colt would be served soon hitting her like a ton of bricks. She calmed herself down enough to call her dad and make sure Luca was ok a little longer with him.

She started her car and made that all to familiar drive. She pulled up, trying her best to calm her nerves as she exited the car and walked through the open bay door.

“Were closed.” She heard a voice shout from under a car. “I'm not her for that.” she spoke, her voice carrying throughout the shop. Colt rolled out from under the car, standing up quickly. “Hey. What are you doing her? Is Luca ok?” he wiped his greasy hands off, tossing the rag down on a nearby table.

“She fine. I came because I need to tell you something.” Colt arched his brow “Those words are never good.”

“Darnell called, the divorce has been scheduled.” she watched the expression on Colts face change to curiosity to a mixture between hurt and anger. “When.” His tone colt and flat.

“Two weeks.” She looked to the floor. This was what she wanted, so why was it so damn hard to tell him?

“Two weeks?!” he shouted. He turned grabbing a tool and chucking it across the room. “Fuck!” He screamed, Ellie flinching. “I'm sorry Colt.” she squeaked out. His eyes widening as he turned to face her. “Oh you're sorry? You don't seem sorry to me Ellie. You didn't even give me a fucking chance. All I wanted was to be a family. You, me and Luca,” he ran his hands through his hair. “You just don't understand do you? I love you Ellie, I never stopped. Everything I did, was for you. The house, this garage, everything!”

“Colt I, I don't know what to say.” She was at a loss for words.

“I didn't want to be my dad. I wanted Luca to have both parents, together. Now that will never happen.”

“Colt, we don't know that she's yours.” She regretted saying as soon as it left her mouth. It was like adding salt to the wound.

“Shes mine. I know in my heart she's mine, and even if she wasn't..” He shook his head. “You know what. You can have it all, everything. The house, the garage, all the money. All I want in this life is to be able to take care of you, and Luca. And if you won't let me do it at your side, take everything.” he threw his hands up in the air, walking away.

“Colt.” she hollered after “Colt!” she followed him into to small apartment that used to be logan's loft. “I can't see you right now Ellie. I think we probably should keep our distance until i cool down.” Colt had his back to her. Hands splayed out on the counter, his breathing heavy. He was upset, very upset. “But the zoo, and Lucas first day of school.” She whimpered, holding back tears.

“I'll be there, I wouldn't miss that for her. I will be cordial to you. But I won't be ok with it, I never will.”

Ellie hung her head in defeat, walking down the steps and then to her car. Colts words ringing in her ears. She grasped the steering wheel with a white knuckle grip, the tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew telling him was going to be rough, but she wasn't expecting the overload of emotions that came with it. She thought back to the day they took the brotherhood down.

****

She walked up to her house, Colt had a loose end to tie up with Toby and ximena. The crew skipping town, laying low from the FBI. She crossed the front yard when Logan slid out of the shadows. “Logan? What are you doing here? I thought you left town.” her eyes darted around, assessing her surroundings. “I am, but I needed to see you first.” he came closer, closing the distance between them. “Look Ellie, I had every intention to apologize for dragging you into this. But now that I'm here, i'm not sorry.”

“You're not?” She looked at him confused.

“No,” He shook his head. “If I didn't seek you out, I would have never met you. And though I may not have been the guy for you, I couldn't live in a world where I never knew you. You changed my life for the better Ellie.” he softly brushed the bruises on her face.

Ellie threw her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. “I don't want you to go, please don't go.” she sniffled. “Believe me Ellie, I don't want to, but I have to. Go off to college, kick some ass. And remember I'll always be thinking of you.” She lifted her face, looking in his eyes. She pressed her lips against his, savoring the feeling one last time. “I hope this isn't goodbye forever. Promise me you'll stay safe.” she pulled back resting her head against his chest. “He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I promise. Goodbye Ellie.” he took one last look at her before disappearing into the night.

She turned heading toward the house spotting colt standing there. “You kissed him.” He clenched his jaw. “You were spying on me? How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough. And no, I wasn't spying on you. I finished what I needed to and came back for you.”

Ellie hesitated at the door. Could she really give up everything she had worked for? Could she really skip out on her dream school for a life on the run with Colt?

“Colt. I don't think we should do this. We rushed into this, its crazy. We. We need to get an annulment.”

Colt stumbled back. “What? Ellie come on, We love each other.”

“I know, and i do love you Colt. I do but.”

“Its Logan isn't it? You wanted to be with him, I was a mistake.” he retorted.

“No. Colt that's not-”

“Save it Ellie. Go live your life, I'll get an annulment.” he climbed on his bike.

Ellie felt sick to her stomach, what did she do? She was scared, she didn't want to lose him. “colt.” she called after him, he put his helmet on kicking his bike to life. “Colt. Colt, come back. Please.” it was to late, she watched his tail lights fade out of view. She was alone, truly and completely alone.

*******

She pulled into the driveway of her house, she pulled her compact from her purse attempting to cover the evidence of her crying. She walked into the house to hear laughter. Frank, sally and Luca sat around the table eating ice cream, having a good time. “Hey guys.” She peaked her head into the room. “Hey kiddo. Everything ok.” She gave her dad a half hearted smile. “Yeah, everything's fine.”

“Will you give me a bath mommy? I'm all sticky.” Luca held her ice cream covered hands up. “Sure thing sweetpea.”

After bathing and getting Luca to bed, Ellie walked over to a box that was left unpacked. She pulled out a medium sized shoe box, removing the lid she pulled a few items out. A ticket stub from the drive in, a small cactus, a bullet necklace, some photos of the crew and the last two. A picture of Logan and her, taken after the pool game, the other of her and Colt at Prom. She laid the two in front of her, her eyes burning into the paper. What was she going to do?

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ROD

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#choices ride or die: a bad boy romance #choices ride or die #ride or die bad boy romance #colt x ellie #colt kaneko #rod colt #rod logan #logan x ellie #fast cars and freedom rod au

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glvnda-blog · 6 years ago

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she is afraid. though she is afraid, she is reapply-her-lipstick, black-combat-boots, leather-jacket-badass, she is survival.

have you been re-introduced to glenda chittock? last we heard, the muggleborn was most familiar with timeline one. I don’t recall if they were always a ravenclaw, but I’ve heard the seventh year is still passionate, individualistic and streetsmart and pacifistic, rambunctious and self preserving so that’s familiar. at least she/they remembers their way around the castle.

playlist, pinboard, character tag. stats.

history in timeline one.

note: the pre-hogwarts history is the same in all timelines for glenda.

Her mother leaves her and her sister and her father behind when she is three, and she doesn’t get it, not at all. She’s there one day and then she’s gone, as are her clothes and her favourite dishes and her records. After that, it’s just her father, her younger sister and herself. Her father, who is heart broken and absent, and always working to pay the bills to provide for his girls but falling short everywhere else. And so it’s Glenda who raises herself and her sister, as well as the people around them. Some are kind, most are not — unhappiness is norm in the neighborhood they grow up in, as is crime and poverty and violence. Glenda grows independent and hard and streetsmart and good at entertaining herself when everything else is dreary. There’s barely any money, barely anything, really, but there’s room for games with her sister and music playing on the radio and water balloon fights on hot summer days. Glenda learns that she cannot be fragile. Her sadness sometimes turns into acceptance, but most often into anger. She learns how to walk dangerous streets and make meals and how to curl her back with pride and lock her fears away.

Strange things do happen, as they tend to with muggleborns, and she laughs at them. To her, they’re just part of her hectic life, another aspect that her young brain cannot comprehend. And then, at age eleven, she learns the truth. She’s not just a rambunctious student, not just a kid with scabbed knees, not just someone who once nicked a Rolling Stones cassette that she hides under her pillow: she is also a witch. When she hears the news for the first time, she laughs, and then sits still in complete, rare silence. When she arrives at King’s Cross she cries, clinging to her sister for a long time, then hugging her father quickly and stepping on that train with tear-stained cheeks, equal amounts excited and scared.

Years after being sorted into Ravenclaw for her originality and creative mind, Glenda has proven herself to be a hurricane of a girl. Loud and boisterous, she causes ruckus with both her laughter and yelling. She joins clubs and abandons them, either excels in her classes or completely flunks them, paints her face blue-and-bronze for Quidditch games and exists, loudly. She finds a passion for social justice – both in the wizarding and muggle world – and grows outspoken as she educates herself more and more. Some people want to deny her place in this world — because she’s muggleborn, and black, and poor — and Glenda reacts by being louder, by being more they ever bargained for.

other timelines

TIMELINE TWO: Glenda would have dropped out of Hogwarts, plain and simple. She loves the castle and she loves learning about magic, but she loves herself and her sister more. She would take her sister and move … away, anywhere, really, but at least across the pond. Glenda is a coward, in all truth. She’s idealistic and an activist, but she’s not made for violence, not made for a world as cruel as the world in this timeline and she would not have stayed for a fight. She would move away, write about her terror and the things happening at home while clinging to any kind of safety she could get.

TIMELINE THREE: Glenda would stick around. She would grow angry and fearful at the same time, but stick around all the same — the danger would not be close enough yet for her to properly run. She would suppress her fear and use her rage to keep her going. Upon graduation, she would seek out a job in radio and talk about muggle music and culture and stick it to the Death Eaters in her own, safe way. Glenda would not join the Order, both because she would not feel like she had much to offer and out of fear. A coward, still, but less of one, I suppose.

reaction

Glenda is, frankly, terrified at the idea that there are other realities where a war had started over something as – in all honesty – stupid as blood purity. The fact that in some people’s lives there’s a group out there that’s dedicated to eradicating people of her kind is equal amounts horrifying and rage inducing. Glenda can’t wrap her head around it, doesn’t want to — she wants to cling to the world she grew up in. A harsh and unforgiving and unfair world, yes, but a peaceful one, at the very least, one in which she is relatively safe.

Trying to imagine how she would be, had she grown up into the other timelines, is something she doesn’t want to do, but does, still. In the death of the night, she lies awake, imagining a version of herself who knew war, who knew what losing a war was. And now she has to adjust to a war that’s caught in the middle of a war she knows nothing about — but Glenda does know prejudice, and she does know terror, and she refuses to let it get her down.

headcanons & ramblings.

loves herbology and comc, subjects where she gets to go out and use her hands. potions, too. doesn’t enjoy subjects that require a lot of skillful magic, because she’s just not the best at it, which is something she has made her peace with.

glenda is part of the frog choir ( due to her love for music, mostly, and because she thinks it’s fun and she’s a pretty solid singer ) and a seeker for the ravenclaw quidditch team! she tried out in her second year and didn’t get it ( she was no natural, let’s leave it at that ) and then tried out again when the previous seeker graduated and got on the team. let’s say in her fifth year?

glenda is genderqueer, but hasn’t really found the right terminology yet. she does identify with being a girl/woman, but not entirely, and she’s trying to learn more about gender in general to understand herself. she does know that she likes gender neutral pronouns / terminology for herself, and sometimes prefer it.

has a nice mean hook and owns a switchblade. she doesn’t bring the latter to hogwarts, but she wishes she had now lmao.

loves both punk and disco, we love duality! she’s very big on music, in general --- it’s what pushes her towards working as a radio journalist eventually. it’s just ... her way to escape? to deal? relatable content.

a stoner. that’s the whole headcanon sorry guys i rly dont have more to say on that --- she’s just a stoner.

glenda is chaotic neutral! she leans towards being chaotic good, but because she does have good morals, but doesn’t act on them, i think she makes more sense if she’s neutral. a mess.

her patronus is a kangaroo, because they’re energetic and a Lot and have short attention spans.

she adopted a cat from an animal shelter that she named donna and she’s a nervous, quiet mess that trusts glenda and maybe a handful of others. she’s the best and i love her

has a muggle criminal record for public intoxication & underage drinking, lmlfksdjf.

glenda the good bitch. that’s the headcanon. pls call her that in character i would Cry

glenda is ... hard, i guess. life has hardened her, but she’s not rough, per se. she’s all bark and no bite --- a rambunctious, loud soul, energetic and exciting but hard, deep down. she’s seen unfairness, has experienced it and part of her is just angry. she doesn’t want to be that, though --- mostly because she doesnt know how to channel that anger. so glenda comes off as more carefree than she is but, if needed, she’s not afraid to show her harder, rougher side

she’s a hippie tbh???? that’s literally how i’d describe her in a few words LDKFJS.

#diversions.i #I DID IT

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lim-lifeinmotion · 6 years ago

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I want to hurt myself so badly againIt hurts so fucing muchTime is supposed to heal these things but t has been two months, I am really fucking tying I am trying so god damn hard I have done so much for myself to try and love myself I want to talk so somebody so badly but i dont want to talk to anyone at all I feel so cut off and it hurts so much I want to die so bad Im so sick of this, feeling the way i do, its so unbearbly hard ive worked so hard and made an amazing collection But i know i am going to feel like this far too long and i dont want to I dont Because it fucking hurts and i cant breathe i cant swallow i can do anything but be a prisoner to my own just sadness and horrible horrible thoughs, and Im powerless to do anything against them, it hurts so much Im not stong enough to do this by myself, I need someones help, someone I can fall alseep with at night, to cry and be happy with TO love, to make love with because right now I cannot Im going to china for a month in less than a few weeks, I dont know if ill come back Not because I would be staying there, I just wont be But that is selfish and i can’t say that im just sad you know? I want to be better, I have talked at least once a week to professionals, i took their pills, thir advice, their guidance but when I step out of thoses doors and time passes, It is just me fighting for my own god damn life and that is just the saddest part, Im not fighting for anything else right now but to be alive for one more god damn day so perhaps that day will be the day I am happy, isn’t that just so sad? I would love to take myself out for dinner but i have no money left, i can’t pay for a god damn thing because every cent i have has gone towards trying to make me happy, to forget how sad I was, to be with friends and to make people smile so I could smile and laugh with them. Im not smiling anymore, the only time i smiled was just feeling that love, remembering that it happened and being so greatful for it, being hopeful to find this in ez and in myself, iin anyone but when Im alone its like it always is, only this time there is no escaping from this, theres nobody for me to run to, to feel that love when I simply cannot feel it for myself. Is this such a bad thing? Does my highs and my ups, everything that embodies who i am and what life is, is this not worth the times when my life has gotten too much for me to bear on my own? I am the way I am because of everything I have been through, Is it too much to ask for someone to kiss me and hold me when it all rears its fucking demon face in my mind and I cannot escape it? To want a reason to live other than creating and making something of myself? I know that should be me, I know I should be that reason but I’m just not and I am trying really fucking hard, More than I have before because before I thought that perhaps if i find someone it’ll be different, it was but it was exactly the same and now im just petrified that this is me, this is who i am and nobody, nobody, I dont want to hurt anyone else like i did, I can’t be that burden, that lively fucking burden, I can’t talk to anyone because its so drainging on everyone around me, my best friend is in wellington and he still doesnt know, How can i tell him over the phone? I was going to when I went to wellington for my sales trip but i can’t get behind the weel of a car without thinking about driving that little faster and pulling that god danm steering wheel. I cannnot drive that long on open and empty roads for that amount of time, I suppose that means i still have a bit of fight left yeah? I just dont understand why I feel like this? I’m just so sad, so empty, everything I do will always bring me right back here noo mtter how hrd I try or how good I feel at the time. The more it happens and the more time that passes? It just shows me how futile this all is, I’m not even scared, i mean, a helping hand? Now i know that would change everything, because I know how much i need help now, im not running away from this any longer, i have suffered for to long and I want to be that happy ryan we all knew and loved so much, you know the person I am talking about, the boy that made you smile, that showed you life like nothing had ever shown you before, to fill a room up with so much energy everyone is poweress not to embrace it and just live. I want to be him again, I am so close but with each step I get closer to the light my shadows grow ten fold and pull me right back, I am gasping, ripping and tearing my way trying to grab his had but they are so fucking strong, they know my every weakness and feed upon it like the demons they are. This is when I need somebody, to piggy back me into the light, because they may be able to hurt me, to get inside my head, but they cannot fucking touch them, I will not ever let my demons harm another person if I still have breath in these lungs. I will die before i left them hurt anyone else. I am stronger than they are, and I am so fucking angry at them, how fucking dare they, ruin such a beautiful person, fuck, you, you will not touch me or my loved ones again, fuck you brendan for raping me, fuck you for pretending like it didn’t happen, fuck you kylie for touching me when I was a child, fuck you the nameless people that brought my body, Fuck you paul fuck you matt (not smith) fuck you everyone you can no longer touch me i am NOT for sale. Fuck you but I forgive you all, I don’t want to be angry or broken any more, these shadows have faces and I refuse to let them stand in my light and follow me for the rest of my exsistance. Go

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thyrideneverends · 4 years ago

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(2017)

Escritos que encontre del año 2017 . Y conversaciones conmigo desde el año 2020 ([]).

____________________________ AAAHGH IM SO FUCKING SAD. I cant help but feel that im rotting. I dont want pity; people helping; people empathizing. FUCK YOU. I can do better than you. I DO. In fact. I havent been blinded, and hate everything around me as an excuse for giving my life away for what it was supposed to be. [this could be missunderstod since i was clearly angry 4 something i dont recall, I was refering to people in general, how they put themselves above the others, how they always wanna get "there" first, how they talk trash about their relationships, the anger, the hate that breeds out of them when they are wronged(even if there`s no purpose or whatsoever to cause them, specifically, any troubles), the screaming, the violence, that kind of hate..]

I dont want to just 'be happy' because I have to; so I reject happiness. But I want to feel it like something real and not made up.. does that makes sense? Thats a paradox i cant escape lately. [thats deep man, fortunately we figured that out. Have we figured that out? Happiness now is closed for manteinance ^-^ ]

I cant find pleasure in anything.. I destroyed everything..[you had to start somewhere, right?] I cant find meaning in anything.

I just need someone, i just need not to be alone. But I am; Even surrounded by everyone. I know I am. I know you are too.. I hope you are strong enough to endure it.

[hablabas de otro tipo de soledad, lo se, pero vos todavia no lo sabias, o si?]

_______________________

Sometimes I feel like I forgot an important part of being alive. I remember a different version of myself from a few years back. I feel like I'm just existing; nothing pushes my happy button. And when I'm not strong enough to think that it's fine; that I don't need that.. I will just panic questioning myself why, the reason for me not belonging. I know it's fine; I know I can just spend the rest of my..50years left? just doing this; living this eternal circling hell. You might say it's a choice.. That I don't put that much effort into it. That I'm just playing this part. Complaining my ass off. And to that.. I can only say I'm sorry.. I'm doing the best I can. [I know you were.. truly; and u did a great job never letting me down] _________________________________________

Why are we even here right.. What powers you? You wake up, work or study, ingest food, sleep. Repeat. To finish your career and become something.. To earn enough money to become someone.. Be better in what you're doing or you'll be out. You'll be useless. You'll be garbage. We[the system] won't need you.. And then we have to be happy about it.. We have to function collectively happy and there's no room for the outcasts.. And IM to blame for it.. I could be happy like all of them.. But I'm just sitting my ass here thinking what else I can sabotage, in order to understand why it's unnecessary and wish to be also capable of that... Just capable maybe of.. not be weird; not be me.. And sometimes thats all that matters. That Im me.. And I love not being a part of them. I just can never get a hold of that moment and make it last.. I will feel alone just a moment after. [Im so glad we worked our loneliness, I mean, we have such fine moments in silence..]

____________________________________________

Aah... I was just given advice by a hot girl on tinder about how should I type, express and resume myself so the person on the other side of the screen won't stop replying thinking I'm an idiot.. She basically said :- "hey, you're an idiot but maybe a cute one. Here's human help. Just stop being you and people will like you" Y'know what? that's bullshit... It makes me so anxious that it happens all the time. There's always someone judgin. Not only online; real life is the worst. I just don't fit in here I guess. I'll keep talking with the tinder girl, maybe and get emptynessly laid, why not? But I think I hate this.. I hate that everything craves for a definition and people just won't LOOK; Im hidden among them... God how I wish to know who's there ravaging their brains with questions while walking in that empty crowd. I wish I could find you and ask just what you were thinking there. At that unique moment. You are not alone... But if you feel like I do; I wonder if you also wonder. I wonder if we're just very far away from each other.. I wonder if it`s true that there can only be one of us by this cosmic rule that goes: only one 'you/me' for every thousand people. Or.. maybe it's just me. Too old to be an idiot... Too idiot to fully be himself around smart well adjusted people. I guess it's a matter of perspective. isn't it pretty much all? Have a good night stranger.. [Not so stranger.. my dude.. U didn't get laid btw, you couldn't pull through with that. And then you promised you wouldn't lie about who you are.. You wouldn't ever play another role other than the one you are. Well, it was more like a statement than a promise, to yourself. I was there.. Best decision you ever made. You mutated loneliness into a condition, a simple symptom of your choice of living; instead of a disease on itself.. Very clever.]

_____________________________________________

You don't have to read but if you wanna unload please write it down. Everything u hate.. or love; This I wrote on my personal account but it makes me anxious to open myself to judgy people, so I erased it.. We live to judge because we love fixing things that didn't go right with us. Never understanding each perspective is unique. Well Im gonna paste it here because I don't want to lose it.. I don't want something I really meant to be just a deleted thing..(even if it is)

Have u ever felt like you're unique or different? But then just analyzing, we all just walk towards and objective. We don't do things just because. You don't get up every day to just go to work.. to just have breakfast or go shopping, idk; people set goals. We follow patterns. We repeat the same exact thing to strangers of the streets. The same exact things other strangers reply to us.. We are the same NPCs to others. And then realizing this I just wanna scream PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS. Please look at me! I don't want this. I don't want to be aware of this.. I don't want to feel I'm just to you what you guess I am. What's the point of everything? How do I get to know who I am if I'm always this self-centered stupid attempt of somebody? Nobody wants that. Sometimes I am glad to be "awake". To be different from the other people in their bubbles... But most of the time I'd give EVERYTHING to be exactly like that. Because I feel lonely. Because I have so many friends, but we can't communicate. Because I've lost the ideal of love because at a certain point I was scared of being a problem and it hurts so fucking much. I don't think I am special.. or more intelligent or cultural, I just feel I have a different degree of "profoundness" than most other people. It's not something I talk about or show, most of the time i pretend to fit in, but I don't. I can fool myself for periods, I've fooled myself for so many years now, but in the end it always comes back, I can't hide it forever. it hurts so much. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse and I feel like a fucking show-off that just wants attention..

[I felt that.. dude. You write beautifully..]

_____________________________________________

Hi person reading this. Be nice, life is full of shitty people. Make a tiny difference; someday we're all gonna die so its cool. Dont hold grudges ^^ . [^^]

______________________________________________

We are all just internet jesters shitposting to fill the void Even if you're just taking selfies and being beautiful while loving life, smiling to nothing and eating healthy shit while showing off the new place you just visited to a bunch of strangers that doesn't give a fuck about you .. (actually those are the worsts) yeah.. (Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad. I do that too ! we like showing ourselves to others..) Screaming... I exist. Notice me sempai. We just are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

________________________________________________ *draw of myself* [couldnt find it anywhere, where did u put it D: . i remember the sad expression] I know It has a lot of imperfections but so do I. I guess this is how I see myself.. Maybe I just wanted it to be like that. To express something to myself. I still feel like a little kid sometimes even tho I'm 25; "I just can't play with the other kids because I feel different and they make me feel different." Now I can't play with the adults, they're too adults. They make me feel too adult; i need to act up every move to become like them. And then alone, I can be at peace being who I wanna be; But it gets lonely from time to time; Not being able to understand who are you really; where are you really above the necessity of impersonating this other dude to get laid, get the job, get the money. And for what?.. Just to keep doing it because there is really no other choice.. How sad. But anyway. Ever tried to draw yourself? To see what's the image of you that you hold in your head.. if u truly do it; it doesn't matter if you know or not how to proyect yourself.. Every trace you make on that paper is a creation this world has never seen.. your chance to make a difference; it doesn't have to be trendy or impact in mankind. I suppose that's what I call art. And that's why art is everywhere.. Everything that can never be repeated.. Anything that comes from you; or life itself. A random amount of dirt.. Sunlight getting through the leaves of a tree.. Pieces of a broken cup and the stain of coffee in the carpet.. I'm not an artist myself tho; never considered myself even close to one.. I haven't drawn in years.. This is my first one in a long time; I just felt like it.

________________________________________________

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better-every-minute · 4 years ago

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Passive income

active income is bs and jobs are bs and if theres a system i can learn and use to my advantage, provided i dont fuck over other people, then fuck yea im going to learn it and use it. Ive known since i was a child that the idea of selling a third of ur life to survive is stupid and that i wanted to reach a point where the income that came from preestablished sources would overcome the amount of expenses for the same period of time. Aka, ‘escaping the rat race’ :/. my spite for the term and for the topic aside, i promised myself to start early, and like everything i should do and i make promises to myself about, im Still at square fucking 0. Today im gonna talk about that. Bc its a pain to handwrite about and i still havent established a better way to type stuff to myself online, so fuck it, this tumblr it is.

Im going to classify the types of passive income, or rather, its sources, into 2 categories: A) The kind that take large amounts of time, rather than money. This would account for stuff like content creation, where, materials/resources aside, it takes time and effort to create content and market it, but afterwards, it keeps generating passive income. B) The kind that takes large amounts of money, rather than time. This doesn’t mean you *spend* money to create. Unlike time, which cant be taken back, and can only be lost permanently, money can be withdrawn back. Not only that, but, its not so much that you spend money to make money, but rather that youre putting your money *on hold*, and generating an extra income at the cost of not having those funds immediately available on your person. These still require time to come into effect, in the sense that you are to wait for periods of time until you can recieve the bonus yields, but dont require you to spend (a lot of) time and effort into activating these sources of passive income. Instead, you’re required to have large sums of money to put down, as the yield is calculated as a percentage of those funds. Now guess what; Im fucking broke, i have no money to do B). But also, im terrible at making and marketing content, so A) is not super dandy-looking either. Still, I plan on doing some of both, somehow. I am realistic enough to understand i need active income, at least to get the ball rolling. Heck, just to survive even. But i do need a great source of initial income to 1) gtfo of here, and 2) Start making $ passively, and increasing that amount slowly. I plan on not really staying still, at least for the foreseeable future, so my sources, passive and active, must be things i can do remotely, as a digital nomad.

My active income plan mainly consists on getting some initial dependency job somehow, if possible, and meanwhile, to start taking freelancing jobs, be it data entry, translation, product testing(website/app) or whatever im deemed able to do. Eventually, this would allow me to just fly the fuck off and keep working and making enough money to not die. My strategy, predictably, will put a heavy emphasis on spending as little money as possible, extensively researching ways to make things cheaper or to get money back. That way the amount of funding that can be invested is larger. If i can leave this place and couch surf a bunch at friends’ houses all over, even better tbh. As for passive income, since active social media content creation is off the table, im mainly going to focus on the B) category, finding ways to make every penny i hold attract more of its kind, while making everything else cheaper along the way. For this, im relying on a couple things: - High yield FCIs or similar financial objects where the idea is to lend your money and get a little extra at the end of the time period. - Automated trading; both as in copytrading, but also on developing a stable strategy for unstable financial objects, and then simply scripting the strategy into code, so it’ll be performed 24/7. These strategies Must be always profitable, or else i risk losing everything to a stupid bot i coded myself. - Holding my funds (the more, uh, liquid kind) in staking accounts and other similar virtual that reward you for holding money through their platform. - Lastly, I do plan on building things if possible, and figuring some way to make it available but also making an income out of it. I’ve always wanted to make a couple android apps, maybe write some stupid ebook or whatever. Moreover, I’m sure with enough research i can find ways to code things up that automate stuff that make a little money on the side. Or at least code things that make my job easier during ‘active’ work. Automate website testing, Automate data entry, etc. We’ll see. Rn im looking into tutorials for python+selenium, and trying to learn how to use Binance’s API. The idea is to automate the trading strategy so i no longer have to manually do the same thing over and over, since it really only works if you can constantly do it, and thats a bot’s job, not a sleeping, eating, living human’s. The strategy itself is fairly straight forward. It relies on cryptocurrency and other assets’ high volatility. Because their value range is constantly moving up and down to no end, their prices might stay the same overnight, or even rise by the thousands, but within that same day the price might have risen and dropped by 10% before ending in the same place it began. The idea is to simply put buy and sell limit orders at 0.5% amounts away of the market price. When it drops .5%, it buys a certain amount. When it rises 1% from that point, it triggers the second order, and sells the amount it just bought. Conversely, if it rises first and drops later, it simply sells and buys the same amount, the only thing that changes is the extra profit will be in the secondary currency. Since the difference in the orders is in a 1% total price, that means that, excluding fees, the profit is 1% of whatever money you put down for both orders. That is to say, If you want to make 1 dolar, you need $200, and to place 100 to buy, and 100 to sell. So really, you’re making .5% of whatever amount you put down. With leverage tools though, I could expand this percentage, but for that i want to do proper, extensive research on how it works, let alone learn how to automate it too. The point is, because the price of certain assets varies *so much* and So *Often*, these things that make it worthless and unstable for most functions make it great for this type of trading. Note that i dont need to predict a spike or a surge or drop or anything like that. I predict nothing, all i expect, is that the price keeps ranging up and down the way it always does. And if it doesnt, say, if it only goes up and doesnt ever revisit the buy order, then i dont *lose* anything. All i have to do is cancel that order, and start again at the current price.There’d be a little loss between what i payed to buy last, and what i’ll pay to sell this time, but its unsubstantial compared to the amount of times it worked fine and the amount of money it made in its course. Nowadays, btw, 1% of a bitcoin is about ~$100. Assuming 2 bitcoins worth of funding, youd be making $100 every time both orders are fulfilled, which can be anywhere from once a week to multiple times a day. Exciting, right? If you have $200, then you’d be making $1. This also means that if you have 2 BTC, then every time the whole process gets completed, your profit per full movement increases by $1. Aint that cool. Rn I’m gonna research more on how to work the binance api, as well as learn more about supported crypto exchanges and staking wallets. See ya whenever.

#income #passive #active #money #job

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deafeningcreationperson-blog · 6 years ago

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